First and foremost, let’s get some admin out of the way. I know my army of admirers are chomping at the bit for reviews of episodes three and four (er.. well two people asked). I haven’t been able to do them these last couple of weeks but fear not you two, I will retrospectively review them when I get time which means I’ll have to watch even more Jenna. The things I do for you, eh? Before the series races.. or plods over the finishing line I considered it wise to get up to date. So..
If curious looking shrubs aren’t your speciality then don’t worry, you will still find something of interest in the show that is unexpectedly beating Poldark in the ratings. Its success can be put down to a number of things: The lavish production and Jenna’s impossibly sexy nose are clearly high on the list but ultimately it is the romance that has won Britain’s heart. While Ross broods moodily at Demelza, Victoria is now gazing lovingly at a man that isn’t Lord M. Period drama AND romance? Britain loves that kind of shizzle.
After a sneaky snog in the garden area (not a euphemism), the personal politics starts all over again. Albert wants a title and £50,000 a year so not to feel like Victoria’s servant (I’ll take that job if it’s going thanks) but the privy council despise her choice of partner because not only is he German but he also has a Catholic relative. The scandal. There is a more lighthearted feel this week and many great lines. “What is wrong with being German? If you go back far enough my entire family is German” Victoria protests to a calm Melbourne who retorts “public opinion is not known for its logic ma’am”. The M-meister is on form again when she claims “At least I know Albert doesn’t have any secrets”. His nonchalant “No, well that usually comes later ma’am..” is cutting but polite. Tonight we said goodbye to our favourite Whig and it was a little bit heartbreaking. He kisses a farewell to the Queen on her cheek and the tension between the two is still palpable.
While on a visit back to his homeland, Albert is taken for a jolly day out by his brother Ernest.. to a brothel. Sure, we’ve all been to a brothel with our brother, right? No? You’ve clearly not lived. Ernest has good intentions though bless him, he wants his virgin brother to gain “experience”. Last present I got my brother was a CD. Different times I suppose. Albert reluctantly chooses a lady of the night but the love for his wife to be proves too strong and he chooses not to sleep with her. Strangely though, he asks her to write down instructions on how to be good at sexy time. Diagrams would’ve been handy, no?
Back at Buckingham Palace, on learning that her father had a mistress, our Queen is getting paranoid about Albert’s intentions. She believes that he wants the money to look after his bit on the side but she doesn’t know that he’s not even interested in his bit on a plate. It does play well with the naivety of her age because it is easy to forget that she is eighteen and new to all this. Naturally they sort it all out in their own little way and the wedding is still go. But we’re not really interested in that are we? We want to cut to the wedding night and it does so pretty swiftly. Victoria waits nervously on her bed, frillies on, waiting for Albert to come through her door (sorry). When she asked him if he wanted any Madeira I wasn’t the only one thinking..
And why not? It might give the boy some stamina. They look at each other, kiss lots and it’s quite hot to be honest but typically the credits roll and we will never know if he suffered from a case of premature hierarchy or not.
An entertaining episode for sure but it still can’t disguise certain flaws. Away from the main thread there is still nothing going on in the secondary story lines that is of any interest. Penge has a love interest and that creepy guy is hassling the palace staff but it’s all very bland. As for the romance between Vic and Al, it feels decidedly hurried especially after we had three episodes of ‘Vicbourne’ and by the end of Albert’s second he has taken her up the aisle. Off camera probably. Nobody needs to see that. My biggest concern lies in the depiction of Victoria herself. Why is she being solely defined by the men in her life? We’ve had five hours of smitten puppy dog eyes and sighing which is fine by me because.. ya know.. but what about her achievements away from her love interests? I hope the series explores other dimensions to her as a person but remain cynical about it happening.
Lame of Thrones
The oddest choice for an opening shot this week with a CGI image of a palace that looked like a painting. They then cut to them outside a palace that was real. Why not just do an exterior shot of the actual palace? It adds a sense of unreality that is not in keeping with the show.
I really fancy some Madeira cake right now
Jenna perv count
Victoria: “Do you find me much changed?” Albert’s internal monolgue: * Well, your boobs look a lot bigger ma’am*
The director that keeps getting Jenna to roll around on the bed while reading letters deserves a pay rise. And a BAFTA. Somebody make a GIF of this and quick.
More wet Jenna. This time in a bath.
Albert: “The only person I want to please is you” Victoria’s internal monolugue: *SQUEEEEEEEEEE*
DIGITAL OBSERVATIONS 
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