Safe House (Series 2, Episode 4 Review)

Safe House lives up its title in a finale that plays it so bland it makes Shredded Wheat exciting in comparison. Safety first is the order of the day but even worse is the contempt in which the viewers are treated. If writing has the guts and imagination to follow through on everything it sets up, to answer the questions it’s had had the nerve to want to be asked, then any faults will remain niggles rather than a banging your head against a wall sort of frustration. Safe House has a San Andrea sized fault running through the carpets. It constantly disregarded the premises set out. Most of the things that happened in the first three episodes were meaningless and of no consequence, the actions of character’s weren’t explained or vaguely logical. Threads were unfurled and left dangling.

The villain here was never going to be Roger Lane as he was only introduced in the penultimate episode and the fingers were so blatantly pointing at Liam come the credits it was unlikely to be him either. But in making Simon The Crow it makes a mockery of a series that was a shambles already. What was Simon’s motivation? We’re fed a sudden back story at the dinner table as Liam says that his dad used to get very angry with his mum and if you hadn’t guessed already, it was then clear who the traitor was. This is at odds with the ideal of The Crow making the men suffer. Why would he kidnap his own wife if that’s the case? To make his son suffer? He didn’t have an affair with his wife. Though it would have been a plot twist! Did Simon kill MacBride? Did he kill John? If he did, the premise being that he took Liam away from him to Manchester because.. that’s a reason to kill? Also, pushing someone down a ladder confuses The Crow mythology more. Jason Watkins makes sinister and creepy at the reveal and is frankly the only one giving the script more power than it deserves.

There’s so much more left unanswered that you wonder if they binned the last four episodes in the writer’s room and went to the pub instead? What happened to Griffin after he got attacked and did he still have some sort link to the murders? What on earth was that John and Dani kissing stuff all about? Add to that, we never even saw a glimpse of Julie and her daughter in the finale so we didn’t see their reaction to his death (throwing a party presumably). Three episodes built around a family that are discarded at the last moment is insulting an audience that is asked to care. Then there is Tom’s fling with Elizabeth which had been signposted more than a Wonderbra campaign in the nineties. He admits to Sam they had a one year fling but it doesn’t seem much of an issue as he answers his phone mid confession. Was John going out with Sam at the time or was it before? Anyone? Dervla Kirwan must have fancied a cold holiday as she was only in about four scenes.

If TV shows could win awards for ending a series with unsatisfactory nonsense then the mantelpiece in this safe house would be chock-full. You can question plenty of the closing twenty minutes so here goes: Why did Simon bring his gun to the safe house, pretty much waving it under a cop’s nose. Not just any cop’s nose either, the one that has been chasing you for years. Why didn’t Liam go straight to Tom? All the evidence was there. In another deviation from The Crow’s past, Simon seems to have disposed of Sam’s body (dead or alive) rather than locking her up. Here’s the thing – we don’t know do we? Anything. As Brook wrestles mad Duke in the world’s worst wet t-shirt contest the series is over and what strives to be an epic cliff hanger is simply the act of a programme drowning in it’s own unsavoury fluids.

Cast and script changes have clearly had a big affect on a project that looked low on confidence. Ironically for a show so slow moving it might have been the battle against the clock to get everything up to scratch after all the production problems and this more than shows on screen. It’s already had a second breath of life but a third will be prolonging the misery. If Sam is alive she’ll stay locked up somewhere and this house on the rugged North Wales coast should get a change of locks, be boarded up and condemned. 2/10