Being Human: My Least Favourite Episodes

It’s no news to anyone that knows me that Being Human is my favourite TV show of all time. There has been no show that combines comedy, drama and a near constant impending sense of doom with such madcap bonkerishness (not an actual word). It is off the scale in terms of its balance between the mundane and the epic. From Marigolds to massacres, it is a small budget TV show with a heart bigger than a million Hollywood blockbusters. There’s not a day goes by where I don’t quote it. it’s just a natural thing for me, like putting the kettle on or going on Twitter. It’s instinctive, it is part of my being and I’m fine with that.

If you’ve never seen it, I will always encourage newcomers to watch and hopefully bulk up what is a very cult fanbase. As it turns out, Iplayer have put all five series back on this very week so there’s no excuse. It’s dialogue is electric, the best I’ve ever known and it might (WILL) break your heart. A few times over. Here’s the thing though, it’s not perfect and that’s the crux of what this blog post is all about really. When you love something so much you notice its flaws more and take them more to heart. It’s like a proper human relationship but without the fun of make up sex or spooning.

So it got me thinking: I should watch the episodes that, off the top of my head, I like the least. The ones which have aspects that I struggle most with and give them another chance on their own terms. Sure I could watch my favourites over and over again (Oh wait, I do) but that’s for another post. There’s no bad episode but I guess the one’s I’ve highlighted here have a key moments that jar or don’t sit right. Initially..

4.3: The Graveyard Shift

“Four hundred years. In dark rooms, libraries and cellars. Pouring over manuscripts, scrolls, books covered in mildew. Because you can’t Google this stuff, you know. I’ve got asthma. Actual asthma. Vampires don’t get asthma. And no one wanted to know about my work. They just laughed and ate another virgin.”

.. would have been on the list but I actually watched this a few weeks ago and there’s no way it should be there because it is the episode where Hal and Tom truly clicked as a screen force. Their collective awkwardness over NUTS magazine and the vain attempts at chatting up a human are pure comedy gold. There are so many wonderful lines. It is an hilarious episode that matches the funny and dark superbly and that is always when Being Human is at its best.

The underlining problems I had with this episode way back when was the overly cartoonish depiction of a goth girl and the weird comedy music that accompanied it. I’m over that now. I am. I’ve matured and everything. The only real faults lie in the last ten minutes. Being Human has never been overly great at action packed fight scenes (give me the improved stylistics of the Hal/Tom bar brawl in series five anyday) but the showdown with the vamps in Honolulu is messy and just plain odd. Worse follows with some truly strange editing when Michaela wakes as a vampire with baffling “comedy” faces and sound affects. It feels drawn from another show entirely. Then to complete a disappointing end to a great episode, Hal’s line about Ivan and Daisy rankles. Annie never met either of them and there’s no evidence that she had even heard of Ivan. But, alas, the preceeding fifty minutes are a thing of wonder so we’ll let it off. It also makes uber-cool use of Elbow’s ‘Grounds For Divorce’ and that is a very great thing indeed.

It must be noted that there is nothing from series one or two on this post and that’s not due to any pretentious “nothing will beat the original trio” mindset. I just think it’s natural that once you ring chances to a show (some were enforced) and when you try new things, there will be more hit and miss moments. It is to the credit of the show that the writers and producers never rested on their laurels and each series is very different. Actually, the high points of s3-5 out awesome the awesome highs of the first two. I can hear your disagreement from here.

So, strap yourselves in and prepare to be treated to barbaric geekery. Here are my least favourite episodes of my favourite ever show. Which will come out bottom once and for all? Or top of the least good. Ah, you know what I mean. Oooh the tension is..  bearable.

 

3.1: Lia

“No funny stuff here, you’ll have to go to Swansea for that..”

First and foremost, it’s a surprise to me more than anyone that a Toby penned episode is in this catagory. There’s not even to say this is a bad episode, actually in Being Human there’s no such thing as bad so we’ll go with ‘least good’. For some reason it just seems to be one of the ones I’ve watched the least of. That is still quite a lot by the way.

Thre’s an element of starting again as the trio move into a new house in a new town but the bantz is a strong as ever. The only place where things suffer are in Mitchell’s trip to purgatory. While placing him at the scenes of crimes is important as it sees his conscience struggle and makes the audience aware just how evil he is because just hearing about it can make fangirls block it out. However the process feels all too laboured, not helped by Lia being a little irritating.

So the main reason the episode doesn’t stand out from the crowd is maybe down to the chain of dubious events it sets up for the rest of series three. Ironic as it a run where the knock on effects of actions is a major theme. Mitchell’s rescue of Annie from hell is a big clunkbuster of a set up for them persuing intimate relations with eachother. I never felt the need for them to be a pairing and no matter how many times people have tried saying that it was foreshadowed in previous episodes it just wasn’t. Hence the clunky clunkbuster. Characters don’t have to be going out for us to care when there’s an inevitable disaster, not if the writing is good enough which it is here. As a result, M-Annie sees our favourite ghost turn into a lovesick puppy and Mitchell neglect his Alberto Balsam more than ever. Not only that but George and Nina take a huge backseat, their sole storyline away from Mitchell’s downfall being the pregnancy.

There are many great moments, the dialogue (DUH), the estate agent’s droll ways, dogging in the forest and of course we see Tom and McNair for the first time. As for Annie’s wonderful speech on returning.. first class. Who knew that pouring a cup of tea could be so emotional?

 

3.6: Daddy’s Ghoul

“What lies beneath the surface..”

My initial response to Daddy’s Ghoul was utter confusion as to why, after the magnificence of Herrick’s glorious return in The Longest Day, he fades into the background. His threat rendered almost impotent. With hindsight this isn’t actually true. Mitchell tries to bludgeon him with his own inferior blood and then finds himself centre of DC Nancy Reid’s attention re The Box Tunnel 20. it’s not long before ‘Uncle Billy’ soon has her blood on his mind. I now view Herrick’s more minor role as subtle suspense building and retract my views of 2011!

Can I state now just how much I like Nancy? At the time of the finale I was hoping she’d come back as either a ghost or a vampire and have more of a role in series 4, potentially as Mitchell’s replacement. Granted, the fanbase would find it very hard to accept the woman who was mostly responsible for his death. She’s mouthy, intelligent, cunning and sarcastic (“That really is a nice cup of tea. Seriously, I’ve shagged for less”). All hail Nancy Reid, a copper it’s ok to like. And fancy. Ahem.

The interchange between George and his dad is both sweet and funny, bond as they do over Strictly Come Dancing and Titanic and it’s only when they visit mummy Sands that things go awry. The punch and make up scene feels too soapy but most bizarre about the whole situation is that his parents, having just been reunited with their long lost, presumed dead son are soon swanning off to Cornwall without a care in the world despite the fact they   perceive George to be a mentally unstable fantasist. But it’s ok because he has a girlfriend who is also a mentally unstable fantasist too so is obviously in good hands. Is it played out as a final goodbye? Who knows. Ultimately it didn’t move George’s story on in any way. He didn’t get any kind of closure from meeting his parents and telling them. It sort of limped to an ending. Still, this is a much better episode than I’ve subconsciously thought and am happy to be proved wrong.

And now i want to do a blog on my fave guest characters because Nancy would definitely be in it. I can write too many things about this programme. Which is a worry.

 

4.4: A Spectre Calls

“I. DON’T. CARE. WHERE’S ME CHEERIOS?”

An episode can either sink or swim by its premise alone and A Spectre Calls has nearly too many holes to save its better moments. Alfie Kirby, a ghost who passed away due to ignorance of the Green Cross code he was supposedly an expert of, turns up on the doorstep. He has been sent from the afterlife to help with the baby, or so he says. In reality (and i use that word loosely), he has been sent by another force to kill baby Eve and thus save the planet. The basic concept is flawed from the off though. Kirby spends all episode gaining Annie’s trust and turning the house against each other in order to get closer to Eve but.. HELLOOOO!! He could just rentaghost to the kid, do his murderous work and be done. Early on he is even in the attic with Eve and let’s not forget he has her in his hands when he winds Hal up. Of course, it’s a drama and the machinations that build up to it are where the entertainment lies but when there’s no need for it, that’s where patience is tested.

Let’s overlook Kirby’s cartoonish (there’s that word again) style choices and accept that it is a brilliantly creepy performance by James Lance but the trouble is it’s TOO creepy from the minute we see him. The inhabitants of Honolulu must have taken stupid pills to first, let him in and second, not be more alert to his blatant manipulation. He was so obviously a wrong ‘un that there’s no suspense at play. Of course he wasn’t sent by Nina. Of course he was there to kill the baby.

There are great moments of course. Tom’s excitement, followed by anger as his housemates “ignore” his birthday brings out the much underrated line highlighted above. Always makes me laugh that one. The confrontation as Kirby tells Hal of all the murdered ladies (all the murdered ladies, eh eh oh eh eh oh) he’s met touches a raw nerve. Our Lord Harry is responsible for more women in heaven than there are racists at an EDL rally.

The scene where Kirby belittles Annie into fading towards seeming oblivion is one twist that was powerful and important in two senses: It stays true to the concept of a ghost fading as they lose their familiars (Mitchell, George, Nina) but on her return it also shows that the bond with her new housemates is now strong enough too. Speaking of which, after all the previous hints we get our first real glimpse of how strong Annie can be as she squishes the mass murdering weirdo into… somewhere. Who know where. Let’s just hope it involves a blender and his genitals in close proximity.

 

4.6: Puppy Love

“Hairy balls. LOL”

Slapstick is the order of the day here and for the most part it pays off to great effect. Allison (yes, two L’s) tracks down Tom (with a T) and so ensues his first dealings with love and heartbreak. It’s an important stepping stone in his transition from puppy to man and it’s lovely to watch two naive young adults navigate their hormones for the first time. My problem with Allison, other than the spelling is not in the performance but more in the blatant stereotyping of her image: Thick rimmed glasses, garish big jumper and satchel full of achievement badges. for the record, who these days boasts about a Blue Peter badge?

Emrys is a cracker of a grumpy character but then he has just been killed by Annie so fair enough on that count. From bad mouthing his ex wife, perving in the bathroom to getting locked in a cupboard. A moment so choreographed you could see Bruno Tonioli skipping across the screen and yet it still worked. In a act of heavy foreboding his parting gift is to teach Annie that there’ll have to be no more Mrs nice girl.

There is so much to love from Hal here too, egg rearranging, mop karaoke, awkward answerphone messages and inappropriate salsa dancing to name some. Then there was his awkwardness around a newcomer who would soon become a familair face and what a nice face it is. We meet ‘Aled’ for the first and despite the full on chat up lines in her first scene being a bit OTT, it was a great introduction that merely paced us slowly before we all fall in love with her the following week. I do wish she’d died in those denim shorts though. Gee, that sounded less creepy in my head.

Yet another new face appears in the form of the excellent Amanda Abbington as the cold, cynical Golda but sadly she is dispatched with before she can even confirm those Travelodge cancellations Her simpleton sidekick Kane is so slapstick it hurts. He brings some good lines as well as the cringe. I would try to find a Die Hard reference that would be apt but I can’t be arsed.

It’s an episode I always seem to enjoy more than I expect to and then I forget that I enjoyed it so much. Perhaps that’s just my old age.

 

5.2: Sticks And Rope

“Imagine having “Employee of the Month” written on your CV. Imagine having a CV”

Familiar in tone to A Spectre Calls, it has a ghost infiltrating Honolulu for nefarious reasons but this time in the form of a child named Oliver who claims to have been living there all along yet none of our trio think to question this daft statement. Alex gasps “Dead Victorian kids are so annoying” and she couldn’t be more spot on. They say never work with supernatural children or animals (something like that anyway) and this breaks one of those rules. Also, calling the episode Sticks And Rope, as well as Oliver stating early on that he was hiding from the very men who hold them, we hardly needed a leap in imagination to know where things were headed. It was as heavily signposted as the Kirby episode.

The premise here was to show the merging of the two worlds, hell and earth (perhaps it should have been called ‘Hell On earth’?) and this is most effective when the Captain turns full on evil like when he redesigns Honolulu in order to trap Alex and Oliver. Not forgetting of course, making Patsy bleed from her eyeballs as he mouths a gloriously nasty speech. However, If all Hatch needed for fuel was a werewolf and vampire at loggerheads in close proximatey then why did he never pick up on George and Mitchell fighting? He should have been having a field day during the cage fight in series three. There was enough hatred to blow the gates of hell wide open there and then. I know what your thinking, because Hatch hadn’t been written then but it’s something that is pretty glaring and needed explanation. We also got to see the evil morris dancers finally, something we never thought would happen, and it was a bit of a disapointment. Not just because they weren’t waving neckerchiefs but also because they could never live up to each of our own ideas on what they were. Some things are best left to the imagination. Like Nancy arresting me and giving me a cavity search. Erm, moving on..

Sadly Rook is hampered by being stuck with Crumb. Poor guy, must have done something wrong in a previous life. Much has been said about Crumb in the fandom and my views aren’t a secret. It felt like he was single-handedly trying to ruin the series. When it’s away from Hal and Tom’s workplace duel things don’t quite click and I still can’t put my finger on why. I remember saying in my review at the time that there was something about the humour and scarier moments (which aren’t very frightening) that didn’t quite hit their mark and I stand by that now.

“But Michael” I hear you scream, “What about the good points?!” I was getting to that don’t you worry..Alex really blossoms in her sole headline plot despite the limitations she has to work with and it was a nice touch to see her with her brothers both before and after her death. Also, the quite barmy idea that an employee of the month competition is being organised by Hatch to help open the gates of hell is to be praised for the sheer bare faced lunacy of it all. It gives us Tom and Hal at their bickering best. They trade insults with “git with a big weird face” being the standout and it soon escalates into a chaotic food fight. When it matters though, it is nice to see Hal sticking up for Tom when it really matters.

On another note entirely, it also made me say “what in the name of little baby cheeses” a lot in my everyday life even though I have no idea what it means.

 

5.4: The Greater Good

“All we’re doing is marking time until the inevitable happens”

There’s a saying that goes “too many cooks spoil the broth” and well.. Honolulu has three new inhabitants this time round and two of them are rubbish. Hal becomes life coach to Crumb and Alan but perhaps giving acting lessons would have been more appropriate. Crumbs gurns and wriggles his way through every scene he’s in, even ruining an otherwise funny montage sequence.

The Greater Good stands tallest with Tom emotionally maturing before our eyes. In a role reversal from Pie And Prejudice, he is now mentor to a werewolf – the wet behind the ears Bobby Grand Barry Speaking (his actual full name, probably). He takes Bobby under his hairy wings and teaches him all about the runnings of a supernaturally infested hotel. What on earth could possibly go wrong? The exchanges between the pair are genuinely sweet, funny and affecting and brought much needed sense to a very confused episode.

Rook finally keeps good acting company but very bad fictional company as he plays a game of cards with the devil. We’ve all been there haven’t we? The werewolf transformation, which by this stage had become a forgotten part of the Being Human set up returns as Bobby is released into the hotel but it simply looks like a man in a costume. Yes, I do know it’s EXACTLY a man in a costume but to have a werewolf just standing and walking around the hotel,  controlled by barked orders (barked, get it?) takes away the threat level that we’ve been taught about for five years. This danger is nullified further by Tom managing to, mid transformation, find his way from the woods, run through town and then trap Bobby away in a room. It just doesn’t sit right. Or perhaps everybody on Barry Island is excessively hairy and walks around naked all the time?

Another highlight is when Crumb dies. Yeah, I said it. I’m a kind person, empathetic even. I donate to charities, I’ve helped old ladies cross the road but I have my moments of weakness and I cheered when he carked it. Still to this day I do not understand his purpose. It was basically the Lauren / Mitchell story rehashed. People have said he was a mirror for Hal, to be his conscience but we know very well that good Hal has a conscience anyway and this leads us to another problematic issue – Hal’s “split personality”. As he’s tied up (not for the first or last time it must be noted) he shuts down and wakes up like an evil Synth. His panic making way for Bad Hal before he shuts down again and says “he was here wasn’t he?” By hinting that good Hal and Bad Hal are two separate entities it gives the audience more of an excuse to forgive him for his actions. Put simply, Hal has never separated the good/evil side in such a way before. He’s spent fifty five years fighting temptation but he’s always referred to himself in the first person. The manner in which this breakdown is shown suggests two personalities and if that’s how it was intended, seems too much of a cop out. Hey ho, at least my friend Su does a brilliant drunken impression of “bad breakdown Hal” so at least the scene gave us that.

 

And the winner..er.. I mean  loser is…

The Greater Good

 

What I’ve learnt:

Here’s the science bit, concentrate. I enjoyed watching these. That’s it. So my lesson to you all is this – If ever you decide that writing a blog of your least favourite episodes from your favourite ever TV show would be a different and unique take on things… don’t do it. So if you’ve read this, you’ve wasted your time. Sorry about that. Even while being hyper critical this has somehow still ended up as a love letter. Being Human is awesome. The show that is. Being a real life human is… complicated. Stick with fiction, guys. That reminds me, I need to write some fanfic where Nancy recruits me sexily and we go on a murderous rampage and kill twenty people in Legoland. The Brick Tunnel 20 I’ll call it. .

 

TV Review: The Aliens, Episode 1 (E4)

 

 

There may be no Sigourney Weaver but for an E4 production the cast is impressive all the same. This Is England alumni Michael Socha and the upcoming Michaela Coel, fresh from her own brilliantly funny creation Chewing Gum. Then there’s Horrible Histories and Peep Show regular Dominic Howick (tube up his nose, tube up his nose). Add to that, the head writer is Fintan Ryan of In The Flesh and you have a whole smorgasbord of killer potential.

The premise then, is this: It is forty years after aliens first arrived on Earth and they are now sectioned off in concentration camps. Here’s the catch – they look just like us, for not just storyline reasons but probably budgetary ones also. Lewis (Socha) is a border control officer who soon discovers he is half alien. This is worse than discovering your, say half Scottish because you won’t be locked up for that. Not these days anyway.

It’s disappointing that after all the adverts screamed “HILARITY” things don’t gel from the off. The comedy is off pace and the action disjointed. The editing is akin to a music video directed by someone with ADHD holding a camera in one hand and road drill in the other. It takes a long time to get into its stride. What we do see of this alternate world (when the camera stays still long enough) is an impressive contradictory mess of urban decay and bright radiant colours.

Strangest of all in this mish mash of an opener, is the crazier things get and the closer to the credits we go, the whole thing becomes more cohesive and events thankfully less wobbly. Due to some ill advised hair dealing (honest) from Lewis’sister he has to cross into Troy, an alien hellhole that humans have discarded and left to its own devices. Here morals are loose and anything goes. Which is nothing at all like Troy Town, a little village in Dorset. There are no aliens there, only horses and cows in fields and what’s the bettimg they don’t fight each other in drug addled clubs?

Despite being a somewhat disjointed opener there are moments that click. The Lewis and Dominic (Howick) partnership grew into a joyful pairing, though not joyful in quite the way the latter would like. They look set to shape up as a unique oddball of a collaboration. Why? Because one is clearly in love while the feeling is not reciprocated but mainly because both of them are absolutely useless in critical situations.  Lilyhot (Coel)  has lots of subtext going on. Does she have something behind her eyes as Lewis believes? Or will she just do anything to survive? Is her name even Lily? Is her surname Hot? That would be weird. Or an amazing coincidence.

The social commentary is almost as blatant as being bludgeoned by an issue of Public Eye. Immigration, racism and human cruelty are to the fore. Lewis’ disdain for the ‘Morks’ before he realises he’s half one and fancies a whole one is straight out of the “don’t judge a book by its cover” rulebook. Political and ethical leanings it may have but let’s not forget this is from the producers of Misfits so there’s some people shitting themselves and a bit of wanking too. Not at the same time you’ll be glad to know. 6/10

 

TALKING ALIEN:

– “I’m coming back for the Rabbit!”

– “If someone comes in the room and I’m getting a blow job off a Goat, their first reaction is not gonna be “is that a nanny goat or a billy goat you got there Lew?” I bet “why have you got your penis in a Goat’s mouth?” is gonna come up first”

 

BEYOND THE BORDER:

The aliens landed in 1990. If Shane Meadows had written this it might have been called This is Alien ’90.

The rather obviously named ‘Alien Test Kit’ does exactly what it says on the cardborad.  Did Lewis score exactly 50%?

This whole review didn’t mention Michael Socha’s eyebrows once…oh, wait.

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Deleted, Undeleted & Extra Scenes – Being Human Filming (October 11th 2012)

There was a location sign right outside my hotel and for some reason I nominated to get up fairly early and follow them so we didn’t waste any of the day. Slight problem, it was pissing it down with rain but my commitment to the Being Human cause was too strong. I found the crew setting up at Tiger Tiger club where they have filmed before and with hindsight it was quite likely it was going to be there. Gradually we started to round up the troops. The weather was drizzly so en route to filming I purchased my first EVER umbrella. Yes, I survived my first 32 years without an umbrella but with the prospect of filming being inside this was the day for such a historic moment.

They were filming inside Kuku which was opposite Tiger Tiger on a pretty busy road so a couple of approached the building by first going to the bus stop and joking with runner Pete that we were waiting and what a coincidence it was that they were there. In time we all perched ourselves against the building. God knows what we all looked like. Not much to report really: Su joined us after taking a tour of all Cardiff’s parking spaces and Jay the security guard questioned me on my masturbatory habits. The usual. Soon, a large amount of annoyingly beautiful and skinny extras turned up and went inside and we decided that we would go to the pub directly opposite and watch the ‘action’ from there (quite why it took us this long for this revelation to hit?). Of course, we had no idea who was filming inside but when Dorina thought she saw Damien come out she got up from her chair in slow motion and shouted “IIIT’s DAMIIIIIIIEEEN!!!” and just before running out the realisation hit. It wasn’t. It was just a bloke. Who looked nothing at all like Damien. And had a beard. Su and I couldn’t stop laughing for must have been half an hour. It’s the little things. We went back out when it looked like the crew were packing things up. Kate Bracken turned up and was once again out of Alex’ standard gear again. She was as lovely as ever to us. Turns out she’d just been shopping and she teased us with the bags she was holding, stroking them and said “I can’t tell you what’s in here”. She went off to have lunch and out of the door a few yards away walked Colin Hoult and Hamza Jeetooa. We didn’t say hello and I’m sure they’re lovely blokes but Crumb and Alan turned out to be the two worst characters in Being Human history in my book. The scene they were filming was eventually a deleted extra and it’s totally understandable why. We gleaned from one of the crew that after lunch they were ‘moving down the road’ so we went back to our pub and had lunch.

We soon located them to the Park House restaurant and came to the realisation that it was all inside again. The weather was still drizzly so Becca and Jo decided to go to the nearby cocktail bar but myself, Su, Dorina and Laura decided to find out what was going on. While waiting Jay was insistent that Damien & Michael had been filming exterior shots in Barry in the morning but as usual we never knew if he was telling the truth. I tried a one man campaign for him to join twitter. He refused. In the distance we could see Michael Socha approaching and he stopped to chat with us. We noticed the shirt he was wearing was the same as the one in ‘Making History’ and in a moment that appealed to our geekiness he replied quoting Tom “Splashed out didn’t I? Went to the cancer research shop”. We had a present for him, or rather Becca did but she was away supping cocktails so we rang her to get her arse over to us. And she did, in the most slow motion meeting between man and Were-teddy ever known, Becca trundled over being sarcastically beckoned by Socha himself. It was the heels she was wearing ok? Yes, the Were-teddy for his newborn baby for which Michael seemed genuinely happy and thanked us all. He went inside and soon after a crowd of posh extras turned up along with Kathryn Prescott. Tom was clearly on some kind of date. Aaaw. This scene made episode five.

Soon, assistant director Lloyd Elis came out with the present and disappeared around the corner, a few seconds later he reappeared without it joking that he’d put it in a bin. In fact it’d been put in a car and driven back to their Cardiff base. So if you ever complain about BBC budgets it might be worth noting they give fluffy toys first class service by escorting them individually. It was probably dropped of at it’s own personal trailer. Between takes Socha came outside for his fag, well slightly outside. It was still raining so he stayed under a shelter while we played some weird game of hand gestures with him. Some of them were probably rude.

Damien and Kate turned up and other than a quick “hi” dashed in as the rain was torrential now so we made for the nearby bar and proceeded to try as many varieties of cocktails in a short amount of time as possible.

We planned to go back to filming just before seven as that would likely be the time they finished up, hoping to get some info on tomorrow’s filming. Only when we got back something completely alien had happened. There were OTHER people outside who were hanging around filming. This was a first. Throughout filming it had always just been us bloggers! In the afternoon a few people had asked what was filming and we told them because no one had really heard of it but obviously being in the city centre it got more noticed. Kate, again not in ghost gear was wearing a jacket. Dorina handed Damien our card, he told us they’d be at ‘The Archives’ tomorrow and we must come along to see it. He also thanked us for staying out in the rain but we admitted we went to a bar and had already started the night’s drinking. He said he could smell the alcohol… and before he was about to insult some women, he pointed at me and said something along the lines of “it’s you isn’t it, such an alcoholic”. And in turn getting me back for calling him a lightweight earlier in the week. That was me told.

Oh, by the way, they were filming the extra scene for the dvd extra. The one that explained what happened in episode six. The one we really didn’t need. But we won’t talk about that. The rest of the night contained food and much more drink at our ‘local’ The Old Arcade where Louise was nearly kidnapped by loads of Scottish men. I think she was fine with that arrangement. Tomorrow would be the last day of blogger stalking.. *sad face*

The day I did more work than Phil Davis: Being Human Filming (October 9th 2012)

Barry Island was on red alert. This was the start of a week when not just two or three bloggers would invade but a few. The Heddlu were primed for a bunch of people suspiciously hanging around South Wales and giggling like tits. I’d booked Tuesday to Friday off work and didn’t want to waste any of the first day. I always question my sanity when I book a Megabus journey let alone one that departed at two o’clock on the morning. This meant an early night and I’m not good at early nights at the best of times especially when it became apparent on twitter that a night shoot outside Honolulu Heights was happening, Damn, really should have booked the Monday off too. Never mind, there was four days of prime location hunting ahead. A bus, a walk through an eerily deserted Bristol and a train later I got into Cardiff just in time for a Wetherspoon to open. Handy that. I waited there while everyone else awoke from their slumber.

Jo, Becca, Annie and two American visitors – Fleem and Sunny FLA (you think I’m committed?!) went for an early morning caffeine boos but Becca and myself where impatient to get to Barry (has anyone ever been impatient to go to Barry before?) so we made our way down. First stop: A quick check at Honolulu just in case they were doing any leftover daytime shots but nothing was going on so off we went to the ‘Island’ and there were things going on. Two lots of things. Two lots of film crews to be precise which was a bit confusing. We walked between the two and once we got closer it was apparent that it wasn’t for Being Human. There was loads and loads of people and they were filming something on the beach.. Turns out it was Casualty. Or Holby city. One of them anyway. On returning to the smaller crew I found my main man – Jay the security guard!! And then there was a certain Ryan Drawbridge who greeted us with grin and a “finally found us then!”. He confirmed that they were outside the house the previous night and that they’d finished for the series at that location. They were filming down an alleyway so we couldn’t see what was going on. (This scene was the deleted scene between Rook and Natasha). At a time between takes we walked over a bridge which looked down the alleyway and saw Stephen Robertson. A crew member said something about moving around the corner so Becca and myself took this literally and thought they were going to the beach around the cove (there was rumour of filming happening there a previous day but that was probably for ‘Holbualty’). It was a grey, cold day and while it was a nice beach, just not the day for it. So one wasted walk later we came back and found they’d moved just 20 yards further up.

The director Daniel O’ Hara was running through with Kathryn Prescott how they’d do the next scene. There was also a tall scary man and a lady with a pram who seemed part of proceedings. If not they were certainly very interested locals. We made ourselves comfortable on a bench (yes, walls were a thing of the past, we’d been upgraded). Right next to a wall and five yards to our right they filmed a head on shot of Kathryn jumping over it to avoid pram lady and being chased.

 < Pram lady

This was done a few times and soon we were moved to a bench WITH A TABLE! This was truly the high life now. So from where the Barry Grand Hotel is supposed to be we watched them filming the same thing from a more sideways angle and then they ran through what I shall technically refer to as the “kicking tall scary man in the bollocks” bit. Kathryn had a mat initially to land on and her and the tall scary man ran through how they were going to do it. The guy really was taking her legs away and once the mat was gone she was hitting the ground pretty hard.

Kathryn Prescott diving down. Make your own Skins related lesbian joke.

When some of the extras approached the newly in agony tall scary man we were a bit confused as to why he was being comforted considering he’d just been attacking a girl. I still am to be honest. This was shot many times including much debate between Ryan and Daniel over getting distance right in the chasing so it matched up to one streamlined shot. Michael Socha turned up with some take out food and watched for a bit.

Before they were about to shoot more, the director spoke to Ryan and pointed in our direction. My initial thought was that he was saying “can they piss off please?” but Ryan strode up to us “do you want to be in it again?!” A few jokes about hopefully not wearing the same clothes and some signing of paperwork and we were sent into the distance to do some walking. Promoted again – from sitting at a picnic to actually walking. Next stop – BAFTAS. The choice that Becca and myself had to make was who would be nearer the camera. I volunteered Becca as a sense of “I’ve only had 30 minutes sleep and look more shit than normal” vanity had crept in. As if mattered, we would be a moving blot in the distance. So we walked. From A-B, from B-C and variations of. The rain was starting to come down now, but it was always a bit of a sad thrill every time Daniel O’ Hara said ‘ACTION!’ We couldn’t look over during the takes so had to look straight ahead and instead of Being Human filming we could see ‘Casualty City’ filming in the distance instead. At one stage Becca did genuinely point at planes and you can’t get more Being Human than that.

Socha turned up again and was still in his Barry Grand gear and gleefully kicking a football around between takes and we weren’t sure why he was there until we saw the finished product on TV in episode 5. Beware, Catherine Churcher to have your “mind blown”. The shot with Tom and Hatch talking about the occult was shot outside the actual Hotel some other day. The shot of Tom watching Natasha run into the hotel and telling the tall scary man (registered trademark) to go away was filmed this day. We just couldn’t see this bit as we had to look ahead. All in all the scene took about 3 hours to shoot and lunch was called. Somebody offered us food and drinks thinking we were part of the team. Worrying. As we went for something to eat (out of our own money!) a hotel was starting to be constructed. We got back and it was all done. Are you ready?

By now Dorina had joined us and we hung around the.. well, doorway. Firstly a new woman who was dressed in the by now familiar hotel uniform turned up and went behind the door. There wwa a few takes of her screaming and crying. In my mind, or rather hope, this was the moment Hal committed a massacre in the hotel. Turns out this bit was on the DVD as a deleted scene including when it cut to her and Phil in the hotel with the drawing pins. Sounds like a game of Cluedo in a way. It was the Devil. In the hallway. With the drawing pins. And yes Catherine, that bit of the deleted scene was not filmed on this day. MIND BLOWN.

Soon Phil Davis got out of a car intriguingly holding a walking stick and dressed in a dapper suit and hat, a complete contrast to how I’d seen him previously. We already knew from a vague series 5 memo that Hatch was wheelchair bound and this man clearly was not in a wheelchair. He saw us all stood there like lemons and did a little pose clearly happy to have photos taken.

By now I hope that the crew were trusting us not to blab on the internet about what we’d seen, and we didn’t and never would have due to a massive respect for the show and those who make it. Unknown to us at the time what followed was part of one of, in my opinion, the greatest run of scenes in the shows history – the start of episode six. It was pretty unspectacular to watch if I’m honest. With the camera behind the construction as Phil Davis walked from the hotel into the distance with Ryan and Pete trying to get seagulls out of shot before each take! The Hatch walk, the moment HE WILL RISE came to fruition, was done three or four times and off he went back into his car and down quickly went the hotel entrance as well. So yes, Becca and myself walked many more yards, spent more hours and got more soaked than Phil Davis. BAFTA I tell thee.

That seemed to be it, we thought it was all done for the day until we heard from someone’s radio the words ‘Kate and Damien’. We were thinking “really?” and looked at each other in hope. By now the rain was kicking in a little worse than before but sure enough a car rolled up and there they were. A bonus to an already good if not cold day. They went straight under the bandstand and rehearsed the scene a few times.

They then made a brisk walk inside the building that actually isn’t a fictional hotel with fleeting rain drenched hellos as they did so. Soon it was just myself, Becca and Dorina left watching. The scene that followed was EPIC. Yes, capital EPIC. I wrote in my phone certain lines we heard and as it was filmed from different angles I had many chances to. We heard virtually every word. Lines like

– ” I’m sorry. I wanted to fix things” (What things?!)

–  “You know why it’s over? Because you didn’t ask for help” (AAAARGHHH)

– “You swore to Tom on our friendship” (NOOOOOO!!)

– “X Ray vision veins? (Huh?)

– “Suckle at the thigh of your best friends girl” (Eh?! Hang on, Tom has a girlfriend?)

– “If I ever see you again I’ll stake you” (OOOF)

– And the moment(s) that Alex flinches when Hal goes to touch her.

Hal, cowering and remourseful. Alex hurt and angry. It was a real joy to watch a scene where they were really flexing their acting muscles. Lloyd Elis, the assistant director called over to us politely making sure we didn’t use flash on our cameras but to be honest the weather was so grim we’d given up taking pictures. Example:

It was getting darker and the weather worse still so with permission we took refuge under the crews ‘marquee’ and Michael joined us under it to watch the last ten or so minutes of filming for the day – fag in hand of course.

After a total of about three hours on this scene it was wrapped up. Michael said goodbye and Damien came over to say hello and goodbye, Dorina said the most. He was wearing a long jacket and on the inside he had a hot water bottle so I just called him a lightweight! Sometimes I don’t think before I speak but fair play, he got me back a couple of days later. He then spoke of an audition he was going to and that he’d be back on Thursday. We wished him luck and left Barry extremely cold and damp. We at no time expected or demanded cast or crew to interact with us but most of the time they did. It was more a concern on our part that we were in the way but the impression given by all those we spoke to throughout was that they were happy to entertain our madness.   I wasn’t particularly tired but I did turn down the chance of a night of food and drink in Cardiff in favour of an early night which is most unlike me but I had to sleep through a mix of a lack if it and not knowing what the next few days filming held in store. I’d be a zombie otherwise and that would’ve been a totally different show. A badly acted, shoddily written American show.

Next stop: A caravan park.

A Not Very (Barry) Grand Story: Being Human Filming (Thursday 27th September 2012).

WARNING: This post contains literally no events of any worth.

After a break of four weeks brought on by decreasing funds and a contract at work that meant I actually had to spend some hours there, myself and Su decided to try for more filming. The end of block 1 and some of the start of block 2 were mostly studio bound meaning that real life had returned. I was actually being human and without the supernatural nonsense. Su had already visited the hotel and when I say visited I mean hung around outside but she had been lucky enough to see the series 5 promo shots being taken when she went.

For those who don’t want the their illusion of TV to be broken then look away… now! The Barry Grand Hotel isn’t in Barry, it isn’t very grand but it did used to be a hotel. The Maerdy hotel to be precise. It also isn’t near the sea. It’s next to a main road that runs through Pencoed near Bridgend. Once we arrived things were looking promising. Straight away we saw Stephen Robertson outside who was chatting to a member of the crew but we didn’t say hello and made ourselves ‘comfortable’ on the wall. Not long after we caught a glimpse of the Devil himself Phil Davis go in with his rotten old cardigan. Ryan the 3^rd AD came out and was friendly as ever. Su asked if Damien was about. He wasn’t but Su was actually very chilled with this information. I was so proud of her(!). He said that everything was inside today so she handed him a card from the Damien Molony Forum to pass on (to clarify, I am not a member!) and we shrugged off the potential of a wasted day and lived in blind optimism.

  < My stump o’plenty

After a while Michael came out dressed in his posh hotel gear. We chatted as he had a fag, in his hands he had the script. He was talking about being a dad any time soon and that he’d bugger off if she went into labour. We read his ‘ASS MAN’ badge but Su said it again, this time with a more intense look on her face, staring and pointing at him and saying ‘ASS MAN!!!” quite loudly. It wasn’t until he went back in that she twigged. I was in hysterics. That was pretty much it for the day. Exciting huh? We did get hopeful of outside filming when they started playing with lights but it turned out they were just facing them inside. The scene that was being filmed was the Tom/Alex/Natasha scene in episode 5 where Tom has “feelings”. Kate appeared outside but there was only time for a hello and the basics, she was too busy for more

   < A certain blood stained top. Look! 

We severely misjudged the lunch situation. Yes, you can sense the drama about to kick off now can’t you? A lot of the crew were gathering where Hatch’s bedroom was so we thought they were about to break and we didn’t want to hang around while they were eating because that’d be a bit odd.. Even by our standards. Off we went to a shop (you gotta keep things exciting) but when we got back.. guess what? They started having their lunch on the tables outside and we were like ‘AWKWARD’. Michael left, presumably because he’d finished for the day and not because his partner had gone into labour. We went for a walk around the wonderful sights of Pencoed. There are no wonderful sights of Pencoed so the time was made up of laughing at road names.

Once back, a few passers by enquired as to what was being filmed in the hope that ‘Barry Grand Hotel’ meant the return of Gavin & Stacey. As I grew accustomed to on these filming trips, when you tell people it’s for Being Human you generally get a blank look and a ‘never heard of it’. There was an old man in a scooter who had clearly become a favourite with the crew as he scuttled past on the road waving to them and they gleefully waved back as he went further into the middle of the road and closer to death. On his return he engaged us in a deep and meaningful conversation. About shoes. Much as I love talking about shoes, the Bracken had appeared again but I was too polite to say “sod off old man, Kate’s here”. I nearly wasn’t. Next they may also have been filming Alex confronting Hatch at the end of episode 5 when Kate was at a window upstairs and waved down to us but I’m not sure about that one. Not that I’m a geek and would like to know or anything.

Not long after the Bracken said her goodbyes while looking frickin’ gorgeous out of ghost uniform (not OUT OUT of uniform in that way) but we did have a great chat with the brilliant driver Issy who I first met at Tredegar. To be honest he may not be a brilliant driver, I’ve never been in a car with him but he is a brilliant bloke, funny and always happy. We tried to get some future filming information from him without success. Jerry, head of a casting agency was amazed at us for travelling so far and gave us his card mainly because he obviously thought we were beautiful enough for telly.

The afternoon was spent filming the episode four Rook/Hatch card game. It was all VERY indoors as Ryan warned. By 5PM it was getting really cold and we decided to call it a day. There was only so times we could put ‘innit’ at the end of sentences, develop feelings for a tree and sway to the music of Richard Wells before you go a little mad. That was that. We essentially stared at a fictional hotel for about six hours. Jealous aren’t you?

Car Crash TV: Being Human Filming (Thursday 30th August)

Seemingly on a quest to become a welsh citizen I was back less than 24 hours after I’d left and ready for some more potential filming. I met Dorina in Cardiff again and we made our way down to Barry. Here’s the thing- there was no guarantee of any location filming at all. Luckily Su had got there a bit before us and followed the signs to a location. Dorina and myself got there by 10 am and things seemed very busy on this residential road. Damien was there with a man I didn’t recognise, this man I later found out was called Colin Hoult. We sat and watched on the wall of a social club. Don’t try and tell me that there’s no glamour in the telly business.

What followed was the scene in episode 1. Hal and Crumb bumping into each other, not in a rude way (though I guess that’s for some disturbed fan fic writer) and Hal fanging up and running. This was shot a few times from different angles. They then moved things along the road and Damien approached us. “Hello again Michael” Actors memory and all that. He then hilariously said to Su “I’m so sorry I keep missing you”.Meaning one thing, he definitely reads his tweets. So I grabbed a quick photo of them but he said there’d be plenty more time in the day for more photos.

The next shots were just 20 yards down the road so we had to move along too. Colin Hoult’s running was… strange to say the least. I remember thinking it’ll look less ridiculous on telly. I was wrong.

Once the shot down the hill was done they did a tracking shot just before they went down the steps. Some body doubles appeared dressed in Hal and Crumbs clothes. Some shots were filmed of them running down the stairs for a reason I’m not quite sure about. Down below the steps was a country lane which we fortunately had a good viewpoint of. While they were doing the filming on the steps all we could hear was Hal shouting. They wrapped up for lunch and we were intrigued about what was going to happen after. I asked him if Hal was going to be run over and he said he hoped not! By now a small audience of locals had gathered to see what was going on and he had some photos done and went off.

Next up – the car crash!! From our viewpoint we saw everything. Mark Hedges called up to us and not make any “surprised” sounds. The man dressed as Hal drove and the man dressed as Crumb was.. well, Crumb. The first take was the best. ‘Crumb’ flew over the bonnet, smacked onto the roof and rolled on the floor. It looked amazing. And painful. A few people did make a “surprised” sound. The man lay there and the exact spot and way in which he fell was recorded for continuity. They did the crash a second time and the stuntman’s work for the day was done. We gave him a round of applause as he left although an ambulance might have been more appreciated. Next up was drooly, needy Hal, which is what some women want apparently. He hovered above Crumb (real one and fake one) trying to resist his sexy nerdy blood soaked hair. Throughout all this time, the lane was still open so as soon as there was a build up they had to move everything off the road and let them through. And that was that. Five hours of filming for about thirty seconds of TV.

On twitter it seemed that Socha and Bracken had been at Barry seafront. Not sure if this was for filming with a second unit or not, Su and myself decided to go over and check it out. Not that we needed to because as we walked back up the hill there was Socha himself strolling down.

We said hello quickly and he told us that he was here to film with Kate. So we set up residence back outside the social club. Michael chatted to some locals and kept apologising for swearing in front of their kids. Soon after Molony returned and what followed was the scene in ‘Scotland’ where Alex sees her brothers for the last time in episode 2. After some rehearsal, the trio were stood just up from us while the crew were setting everything up. Kath, Su and myself braved going up to them. They were very relaxed and having a laugh with each other. We got photos and Su showed them her tattoo. For those that don’t know, it’s the quote from ‘Making History’ “We can raid the dressing up box and pretend to be human, but ultimately what’s the point? Sooner or later we all go back to being the monsters we truly are”. A highlight of the day was Michael reading it out in his best Hal voice and Damien joining in at the end. Proper funny.

We were all moved further down the road because we could be seen in a window that would be in the scene. Sorry to ruin some peoples illusion but Molony does have a reflection in real life. We chatted for a bit, Damien spoke about the first photo shoot he did as Hal and assured us that our ‘scene’ at Tredegar would make it because “establisher shots always make it in”. I can’t remember anything else of what was said really but I do recall Kath asking Kate to sign her dvd right on Lenora’s face(!). They were called away to film. Kate stared through the window and the other two stood waiting at the car. Not quite as exciting as a stunt scene but we were happy.

Filming finished at 7pm and they all came over to say goodbye. Socha hugged Su but she was too distressed that Damo might leave and called over to him. I went to shake Socha’s hand but he went. “yer getting’ a hug n’ all!” Having just seen Su squish Molony I opened my arms out to him and jokingly said “go on” and unexpectedly a man hug ensued. Sorry ladies, I didn’t appreciate it in the same way that you would. Where’s the justice? Then a quick hug and goodbye with Kate ended a day that surpassed our expectations.

AWESOME DAY

Reach For The Scars: Being Human Filming (Tuesday 28th August)

So, where were we? A couple of weeks previously I’d seen a night shoot AND been filmed so that should have been that. Right? Nah, there was something niggling at my brain, something a crew member had said about filming “an accident” in Barry and there were a couple of other clues too. Dorina and myself put our ‘facts’ together through twitter and decided to risk it. We went to Barry in the hope that there was location filming. I’d never met Dorina before but I knew I was in the company of an expert BH stalker. Stalker? I meant.. fan. We got off the train at Barry and we met Kath there. She didn’t seem hopeful that anything was going on at the location for Honolulu Heights so we waited awkwardly at the bottom of the hill trying to see if anything was going on. Soon enough Pete the runner came down to say we were in the way as they were doing shots of the road (that day they filmed all the daytime shots of HH for the fifth series). Pete remembered me from Tredegar and was polite as ever so we decided to take the long route, up behind the house. Sure enough, once we got to the side there stood Kate Bracken, Michael Socha and Damien Molony. We’d hit the jackpot!! Michael waved over at us because he knows Kath and once they started shooting we stood in front of the house to get out the way.

Today was basically all about ‘pick ups’  The first ‘scene’ they shot was Hal and Tom walking up the road.

Tom: Now there’s two to of us out of a job

Hal: I think you mean, thank you.

To us, this was them getting sacked from the series 4 cafe as we knew they wouldn’t be there. It turned out to be the hotel and in episode 2 they actually used those lines but they were walking out of the hotel instead of this shot. The strange thing about seeing filming is it makes you speculate way too much because you’re only getting snippets.

Damien and Michael came over to us and said hello. When Damien offered his hand and said “Hello, I’m Damien” I wanted to say “Yes, I know!! I’M WATCHING BEING HUMAN FILMING OUTSIDE HONOLULU!!” but I didn’t thankfully. They asked where we came from and when I said Devon one reaction was “Really?” and the other was “FOR THIS?!”. Dorina kept quiet about how far she had travelled for obvious reasons. We had a chat for a bit and had photos taken. Michael showed us the werewolf scars on the back of his head and they were called away for some more shots. Kate then chatted to us for a bit but was called over soon after just as I was about to ask for a photo. Anyone would think she had work to do or something.. Kath also had work to doooooo so it was just myself and Dorina left. The next bit they shot was used in episode two. Hal saying to Tom “welcome to Democracy” and Alex shouting “We’re having a paaarty!”

Between takes Michael and Damien were having a good time. Throughout the day Socha was ‘directing’ through traffic cones, lying in the middle of the road, and having lots of fags supplied by the security man (who at one stage actually invited myself and Dorina to be in a porno. I’m not making that up).

They hadn’t closed off the road and I was surprised at the amount of traffic that passed through during the day. Early on a big truck with ‘Mitchell Potatoes’ in big bold letters stuttered past. Molony, watched it roll by, shrugged his shoulders and with perfect timing shouted “HE’S DEAD! For God’s sake people, GET OVER IT!”” much to everyone’s delight. It wasn’t easy shooting with all the traffic and not to mention pedestrians going about their normal day, glancing over and interested because there’s a film crew but walking on when they realised it wasn’t for James Corden. During one take of a ‘pick up’, someone got out of their car further up the hill and cracked a whip a few times loudly (yes, a whip) and laughed “sorry”. The crew just glared at him.

And then they went to lunch and Lloyd Elis, the director for the day said they’d be shooting an online scene after. We asked security where they were going for lunch, not for stalker reasons but so we didn’t end up in the same place – HOW WEIRD WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN?! On returning, we asked Pete where he wanted us so we were out of the way and we sat on the wall and saw the best bit of filming of the day. What we later would know to be ‘Hex Club 7’

Due to the traffic from the nearby main road we couldn’t make out every word. We got Tom coming out the house saying “she’s tricked us” and Hal asking Alex what was on the list and we clearly heard Kate’s fake crying though this took a while as it was mostly real laughter. We couldn’t make out what Hal was holding at the start though. Between takes Michael and Damien were passionately singing ‘Reach’ by S Club 7. It was very funny but we had no idea it was connected to what they were shooting. there was a moment when Damien looked over to us waving from the garden and he had a little laugh to himself, probably thinking “they are total mentalists”. This scene took nearly three hours to film (only some of which was Kate’s laughing) and filmed from a few angles. At one stage we had to move to the side of the house and it was weird when the cast popped out and stood with us between takes. I made a joke to them, it got a slight laugh and then I thought it best to shut up. Wisely.

Lot’s of non talking shots followed. Walking into the house, walking or storming out of the house, that kind of thing (one of which was used for a whole THREE seconds in episode one!). Dorina totally spotted that the paperwork Alex was holding related to the Men In Grey. Good work. The last shots were Hal moodily walking up the hill and slamming the door. It was interesting to see Damien warming up for it, getting into that frame of mind.

So that was that, Michael and Kate waved their goodbyes, Damien came over for a farewell chat and then we had a brilliant and interesting 15 minute chat with Lloyd Elis who has been an assistant director on the show since series 2. A great end to an awesome day and I can’t finish this post without a thank you to Dorina – thank you Dorina!

I had to get home for the next day at work so missed out on Barry seafront and funfair filming but I’d be back on Thursday in the hope of some more outside stuff – maybe even this ‘accident’. So yes, I went home to Exeter (HOW FAR?!) and the cast went onto Cardiff Bay to have drinkies with a certain Toby Whithouse. We really should have got a lift with them.

BEING HUMAN 5.1 ‘THE TRINITY’ REVIEW

ALL HAIL THE NEW TRINITY

So, for the first time we have an all new trinity and to pay them all the biggest compliment – it didn’t feel weird that they were still at Honolulu Heights and Annie wasn’t around. Where series 4 thrived off the resident ghost not fitting in with her new housemates this all felt so natural. The dialogue standing out with hilarious one liners and the main cast complimenting (most of the time not literally) each other perfectly. Damien got to let loose with his dry comic delivery, this time as both evil and good Hal. Kate Bracken is the true revelation in her first full episode, veering between pissed off, sarcastic and emotional. It’s a pity that Tom is underused and it’s a worry that he might not get a meaty story line (pun intended). There are only so many werewolf transformations you can show so the peril and danger maybe needs to come from another source. There is a noticeable mid episode lull which is forgivable as it’s forming the arcs of the series.

“CAN I PLEASE GET BACK TO SUMMONING THE ANTICHRIST PLEASE?”

The flashbacks to 1918 may not have entirely worked due posh wizardry and forced sexual chemistry but the pay off made it worthwhile as they summoned the Devil through the body of a “local madman”. It tied the two threads together and revealed the ‘big bad’ of this series early.. At first it was a surprise that Hatch was revealed as the Devil weeks ago but it makes total sense to say so in the opener rather than have five episodes of an exaggerated build up. It’s almost as if Toby Whithouse is a pro at this kind of thing..

OLD ONES SMOULD ONES

In a move that puts to rest once and for all (or does it/yes it does/maybe/of course it does) the standing of the Old Ones, Hettie tells the whereabouts of Lord Harry in exchange for a retirement playschool in Bolivia, presumably with access to all the My Little Ponies and sugary sweets Bolivian currency (whatever that is) can buy. It was a nice and very needed touch that bridged the gap and moved the story along.

BY HOOK OR BY ROOK

It is perhaps initially disappointing that after a year long wait to find more about the Men In Grey that we discover that they are a government department – albeit not for long. The scene where Dominic, as we now know him, meets Hal draws a brilliant similarity to the café scene with Mr Snow, both in style and set up. Hal is again being asked to take charge of the vampires but with a seemingly different outcome in mind. Speaking of similarities, Rook can be viewed in the same light as Kemp from series 2. Both are men of God, brandishing the cross with a commitment to ‘the greater good’ but both men it seems will go to any lengths to banish evil and judging by the pen incident, Rook will go further. The closing down of his organisation will only set him on a mission and to hell with the consequences. Literally? He might have competition though in the form of Alex. Last time out it was unclear if he could see the spirit of our new Casper in the cellar and the roles were masterfully reversed as Alex stared him down and whispered in his ear “ You Stole my death, one day I’m gonna watch you die”. Rook is going to be a brilliant force to be reckoned with this series.

THE DEVIL WEARS FOOD STAINS

Now, most people when faced with bad customer service will moan under their breath or run way without paying. Not Captain Hatch that’s for sure. Considering there wasn’t much airtime for him it really didn’t take long for Phil Davis to turn on the nasty. The final few scenes were an intense treat, culminating in the, let’s face it, assisted suicide of a hotel employee.

IF WE WERE BEING PICKY:

– Yes Patsy,  Hal is a rather good looking chap but have some dignity!

– For that matter, why on earth did Patsy give Tom a job too?

– Alex and Tom breaking into the archives is all very well but where were the alarms or security at such a top secret place?

– Crumbs’ introductory scenes fell into the same trap as a lot of series 4 guest characters. Too overacted and broad and done with the subtlety of a children’s TV show. Once he turned dark side he showed a good amount of menace that hopefully we will see much more of.

SOME QUESTIONS;

– If Mitchell had accepted the Old One’s initial offer to go to South America would he technically be babysitting Hettie now?

– Can Toby Whithouse be in it every week please?

– Where has Alan, Rooks’ assistant from last series disappeared to? Have the home Secretaries cuts taken effect already?

-How come the Men In Grey weren’t aware of Hal? Especially considering they covered up Tom’s nightclub transformation. Not very deft gentleman. Not very deft.

– Was that Crumbs natural run or had he peed himself? It’d be less of a worry if it was the latter.

– What’s worse? Being bummed by Hal or being turned into a vampire by him? Answers on a postcard.

– Alex likes to say the word ‘fucking’ a lot doesn’t she? Not complaining though.

– Will Hal get his soul and reflection back? If he does, will that put a stop to him having dodgy facial hair?

-Let’s not forget, CENSA believed that werewolves were imbued by the Devil as well so will Tom lose his attack of the monthlies?

– What exactly did Captain Hatch whisper to Sophie? Did he threaten to bum her? No Wonder the poor girl topped herself.

VERDICT:

An impressive series opener which cues up the potential of THREE, yes THREE threats to the survival of our favourite Barry Island supernaturals.  8/10