TV Review: Apple Tree Yard, Episode 1 (BBC1)

“I can’t plead biology. Sex may be an animal pleasure but adultery, I’m discovering, is a human one” 

Westminster is a place that has seen many historic speeches, political scandals and let’s be honest, a few extra marital quickies too. It is in these famous halls that Yvonne (Emily Watson) meets a confident stranger determined to be her tour guide with benefits and in a broom cupboard where feminist icon Emily Wilding Davison once stowed away, they are soon in the throes of passion. You can interpret your own patriarchal message at play on that one. Thankfully though, Ed the Duck doesn’t intrude on them and nor do they feel the urge for a post-coital rendition of the Newsround theme tune. Missed opportunities there.

From the outside Yvonne leads a comfortable life as a respected scientist with a nice house, husband and daughter but a niggling suspicion that her spouse Gary (Mark Bonnar) is sleeping with a younger model is perhaps just one of the motives of her affair. In order to let her feelings out, she spews her thoughts onto her computer declaring “Sex with you is like being eaten by a wolf” which, despite its odd imagery, shows how she’s been taken over by an animalistic desire.

Before long, they are conducting more naughty tours of London’s public spaces. Despite the claustrophobic places favoured by our dark, handsome stranger, the look of Apple Tree Yard is in complete contrast with vivid colours and open spaces. It all looks beautiful except for the love scenes which seem purposefully unsexy. The fact that he’s barely seen her body during these sessions understandably gives her paranoia” (I’m middle aged and my body looks like a Jelly Baby”) However, Jelly Babies contain lots of sugar and he seems to need the rush.

There does seem a lack of connection to the protaganists but maybe that’s because they are playing a game, putting on characters and not being themselves. Neither is there an understanding of exactly why Yvonne is falling for ‘X’ as Chaplin’s character feels incredibly straight laced. It is still a magnificent performance by Watson, caught as she is between passion and guilt. How refreshing it is too for a woman over the age of forty to be portrayed as a sexual being. 7/10

Blind Alleys

There are lots of foot shots. Is this appealing to a niche fetish or does it serve as some sort of hidden message or metaphor?

Is ‘X’ really a spook or is there something more sinister at play?

Was he looking at himself in the mirror more than he was looking at Yvonne?

And does that mean he’s actually choosing to perform in front of cameras that are working?

Why doesn’t Yvonne ever ask for his name?

Apple Tree Yard is an actual place.  How long before there are copycat fumblings?

The shocking end to the episode poses more questions than answers. Is Yvonne in court for retaliating against the assaulter? Or will ‘X’ indirectly pay for her creepy workmate’s actions?

 

 

Reviews Of ‘Victoria’ By A Jenna Coleman Fan Who Hates Period Dramas AND The Monarchy – Episode 8

 

Every good series finale needs its fair share of impending doom and the vultures are circling Victoria. There is the deep worry that she may die in childbirth and added to that are Lord Cumberland’s unsubtle threats about the Queen’s downfall. It is a fantastically pantomime performance from Peter Firth who scowls more than he did in all series of Spooks combined. Of course, we know that she will not come in harm’s way so it is a credit to Daisy Goodwin that the tension is ramped up enough to be an entertaining hour of television. Forget all that famous recorded history stuff and just go with the flow.

While the letters from weirdo Queen fanboy Captain Childers was clumsily introduced mere minutes before his rant at the monarch (perhaps we could have had the scene where Lehzen bins his post last week?) it combines well with Cumberland’s desire for the throne. It turns out the assassination attempt was by Mr Oxford, a member of the Young England society which sound like they were an old school, working class version of UKIP without the lunch and travel expenses. However, it is the Queen’s ultimate fanboy Albert who heroically carries her from the cart and to safety. Suspicions that Cumberland gave the orders to pull the trigger reign and Oxford looks set to escape with a plea of insanity, leading Victoria to fear a life of incarceration due to safety fears. You could say SHE. WANTS. TO. BREAK. FREEEEE

Victoria’s strength shines through and she soon picks herself up to face the public again but her greatest moment comes when verbally destroying Cumberland.

Meanwhile, Ernest saunters back into the palace to cheer up his brother and maybe cheer up his downstairs mix up too. He again makes his intentions clear to Lady Sutherland, “If you had married a different kind of man. One who thought about you every moment you were apart. One who saw the way the curls fell on your neck in his dreams…” Ooh, Ernest. That even gave me shivers you old rogue you. Despite the lovelorn glances and steamy kisses, they do what they feel is right and leave it at that. With only a lock of her hair to show for his endeavours he walks away from her room with his unused tail between his legs. You sense he might be stroking that every single night. The lock of hair that is. Stop it with your dirty minds.

More romantic toing and froing  with Nancy and  Francatelli, who is going to new food based pastures and wants Nancy at his side. Alas, she decides she may be better off living in a grand palace. Funny that. True to form, for a story that’s been clumsily bubbling under the surface for weeks, it fizzled out on a whimper. It used up a lot of screen time that could have been assigned to the more meatier plots. That reminds me Mr chef, could you do us up a bacon sarnie before you go? There’s a good chap.

While there isn’t a happy ending for everyone else, Victoria and Albert are at one with child as the credits roll and its rather refreshing to end things on a positive note. Jenna Coleman has been “a revelation” to some but then she’s bloody great so why are people surprised? Her innocence and attitude have been perfectly channelled into this tiny ball of wonder. As for Tom Hughes, the show went from strength to strength with his introduction and while the make believe romance with Lord Melbourne was a charming distraction, the real love of Vicbert is much more affecting. So there you have it, my initial cynicism waned with every episode and I’d be probably be watching the next series even if Jenna wasn’t in it. I can’t pay Daisy Goodwin a higher compliment than that.

Lame of thrones

Albert really does have a sense of humour and it turns out he likes bad puns. That is the best kind of humour.

“A palace this size can never have too many teaspoons”. Nobody tell Uri Geller.

The scenes with Mr Oxford confirmed something I’ve been thinking these last few weeks: Victoria is like a glossy Ripper Street. Glossy Street. Glossingham Palace.

Jenna perv count

Tom Hughes got to kiss Jenna’s nose AND be paid for it. This is a mixture of emotions for me as it is my ultimate life goal but the seething jealousy is strong.

Hopes for series two

I really hope we get more commentary of the Victorian era away from just the Monarchy’s point of view.

Cut out the CGI or get better CGI. I was not amused.

A full on, disgustingly graphic sex scene between Vic and Albert. Something that’ll offend Sainsbury’s so much that they stop doing those bloody adverts during the show.