Reviews Of ‘Victoria’ By A Jenna Coleman Fan Who Hates Period Dramas AND The Monarchy – Episode 8

 

Every good series finale needs its fair share of impending doom and the vultures are circling Victoria. There is the deep worry that she may die in childbirth and added to that are Lord Cumberland’s unsubtle threats about the Queen’s downfall. It is a fantastically pantomime performance from Peter Firth who scowls more than he did in all series of Spooks combined. Of course, we know that she will not come in harm’s way so it is a credit to Daisy Goodwin that the tension is ramped up enough to be an entertaining hour of television. Forget all that famous recorded history stuff and just go with the flow.

While the letters from weirdo Queen fanboy Captain Childers was clumsily introduced mere minutes before his rant at the monarch (perhaps we could have had the scene where Lehzen bins his post last week?) it combines well with Cumberland’s desire for the throne. It turns out the assassination attempt was by Mr Oxford, a member of the Young England society which sound like they were an old school, working class version of UKIP without the lunch and travel expenses. However, it is the Queen’s ultimate fanboy Albert who heroically carries her from the cart and to safety. Suspicions that Cumberland gave the orders to pull the trigger reign and Oxford looks set to escape with a plea of insanity, leading Victoria to fear a life of incarceration due to safety fears. You could say SHE. WANTS. TO. BREAK. FREEEEE

Victoria’s strength shines through and she soon picks herself up to face the public again but her greatest moment comes when verbally destroying Cumberland.

Meanwhile, Ernest saunters back into the palace to cheer up his brother and maybe cheer up his downstairs mix up too. He again makes his intentions clear to Lady Sutherland, “If you had married a different kind of man. One who thought about you every moment you were apart. One who saw the way the curls fell on your neck in his dreams…” Ooh, Ernest. That even gave me shivers you old rogue you. Despite the lovelorn glances and steamy kisses, they do what they feel is right and leave it at that. With only a lock of her hair to show for his endeavours he walks away from her room with his unused tail between his legs. You sense he might be stroking that every single night. The lock of hair that is. Stop it with your dirty minds.

More romantic toing and froing  with Nancy and  Francatelli, who is going to new food based pastures and wants Nancy at his side. Alas, she decides she may be better off living in a grand palace. Funny that. True to form, for a story that’s been clumsily bubbling under the surface for weeks, it fizzled out on a whimper. It used up a lot of screen time that could have been assigned to the more meatier plots. That reminds me Mr chef, could you do us up a bacon sarnie before you go? There’s a good chap.

While there isn’t a happy ending for everyone else, Victoria and Albert are at one with child as the credits roll and its rather refreshing to end things on a positive note. Jenna Coleman has been “a revelation” to some but then she’s bloody great so why are people surprised? Her innocence and attitude have been perfectly channelled into this tiny ball of wonder. As for Tom Hughes, the show went from strength to strength with his introduction and while the make believe romance with Lord Melbourne was a charming distraction, the real love of Vicbert is much more affecting. So there you have it, my initial cynicism waned with every episode and I’d be probably be watching the next series even if Jenna wasn’t in it. I can’t pay Daisy Goodwin a higher compliment than that.

Lame of thrones

Albert really does have a sense of humour and it turns out he likes bad puns. That is the best kind of humour.

“A palace this size can never have too many teaspoons”. Nobody tell Uri Geller.

The scenes with Mr Oxford confirmed something I’ve been thinking these last few weeks: Victoria is like a glossy Ripper Street. Glossy Street. Glossingham Palace.

Jenna perv count

Tom Hughes got to kiss Jenna’s nose AND be paid for it. This is a mixture of emotions for me as it is my ultimate life goal but the seething jealousy is strong.

Hopes for series two

I really hope we get more commentary of the Victorian era away from just the Monarchy’s point of view.

Cut out the CGI or get better CGI. I was not amused.

A full on, disgustingly graphic sex scene between Vic and Albert. Something that’ll offend Sainsbury’s so much that they stop doing those bloody adverts during the show.

 

 

 

Reviews Of ‘Victoria’ By A Jenna Coleman Fan Who Hates Period Dramas AND The Monarchy – Episode 2

The lines between fact and fiction are always blurred when it comes to committing life stories to the screen. We all know that Lord Melbourne was in his sixties and not as aesthetically pleasing as women of a certain age find Rufus Sewell. We know too, that the actual Queen Victoria bares no resemblance to Jenna Coleman, a woman who has formed a million crushes in men and women of all ages. But hey, this isn’t Dead Ringers and as Poldark has proved, we like a bit of eye candy on a Sunday night before the drudgery of the working week ahead. Where things get blurred however, are in the story being woven by the pen of Daisy Goodwin. History recounts that Lord M’s relationship to his Queen was nothing more than fatherly but artistic license is at play here. What we have now is a will they/won’t they (they won’t) saga at the highest echelons of British society. Think of it as an episode of Made In Chelsea without the word ‘like’at the end of every sentence.

The Queen is all big eyes and heaving.. collar bones in the direction of her Prime Minister but her youthful heart gets broken as he announces he’s to step down due to his anti slavery bill only just winning in parliament. The Duke Of Wellington turns down her political advances and she turns down those of Sir Robert Peel. Due to her household being made up of Whig ministers..

No, not that type of wig, Peel demands she loses some of them in the name of political equality. Her stubborn nature is to the fore as she huffs “What ever next? Lose my dresses too?” Erm. Yes please.

Oh well. Worth a try.

Scurrying about in the background of the episode are a load of rats that spread from the kitchen to the rest of the house in unison with the plotting of Conroy and Cumberland. Their nefarious plan to remove Victoria from the throne on the grounds of insanity may seem a little far fetched but just think about attitudes to mental health now yet alone back then. They couldn’t even Wikipedia this stuff. Artistic licence means that during the unveiling of the Queen’s birthday cake, the rodent infestation takes over the baked goods in scenes capable of putting an end to Mary Berry’s heart

THERE’S A RAT IN THE PALACE, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? Actually there’s quite a few of them and it turns out that scream is the answer. For most, this is a perfectly natural response but this is the fuel needed for the dastardly duos case for insanity.

Episode two suited the hour running time much more (well, 45 minutes) as the first show seemed to drag. While the main story seems a little one dimensional, there is a real grace and style to the programme. There are little pockets of back stories but nothing that is very diverting. It is essentially the Jenna and Rufus show and everyone else is respectfully playing second fiddle. Here’s the thing, I really did quite enjoy this and I’m surprised that I felt so engrossed. It could be partly down to the magnificence of the incidental music. It is beautiful and sweeps you along for the ride, even if you’re not sure you want to be on that ride in the first place.

I have a confession: My name’s Michael and I really enjoyed an episode of a period drama.

Lame of thrones

It’s also worth praising the theme tune too. While it is haunting and a little bit creepy there’s something really affecting about it.

“I have no chin in this one and two chins in the next. I look like a Goose wearing a crown” A little sly comment about the Instagram filter generation there?

Will the mum stop moaning about the title of Queen mother? You are the Queen’s mother, ergo you don’t need a title to name what you already are. Bloody royals and their vanity.

Jenna perv count

Wet Jenna in the rain. Mmm.. wet Jenna.

“This crown is so heavy and far too big for me. I thought it might slip down over my nose in the Abbey”. I’d love to slide down that nose. Wait, what? Moving on..

That posh accent. I’m a whore for a posh accent.

On that, why is her saying “Mama” so hot? I need to see a psychotherapist.