Reviews Of ‘Victoria’ By A Jenna Coleman Fan Who Hates Period Dramas AND The Monarchy – Episode 8

 

Every good series finale needs its fair share of impending doom and the vultures are circling Victoria. There is the deep worry that she may die in childbirth and added to that are Lord Cumberland’s unsubtle threats about the Queen’s downfall. It is a fantastically pantomime performance from Peter Firth who scowls more than he did in all series of Spooks combined. Of course, we know that she will not come in harm’s way so it is a credit to Daisy Goodwin that the tension is ramped up enough to be an entertaining hour of television. Forget all that famous recorded history stuff and just go with the flow.

While the letters from weirdo Queen fanboy Captain Childers was clumsily introduced mere minutes before his rant at the monarch (perhaps we could have had the scene where Lehzen bins his post last week?) it combines well with Cumberland’s desire for the throne. It turns out the assassination attempt was by Mr Oxford, a member of the Young England society which sound like they were an old school, working class version of UKIP without the lunch and travel expenses. However, it is the Queen’s ultimate fanboy Albert who heroically carries her from the cart and to safety. Suspicions that Cumberland gave the orders to pull the trigger reign and Oxford looks set to escape with a plea of insanity, leading Victoria to fear a life of incarceration due to safety fears. You could say SHE. WANTS. TO. BREAK. FREEEEE

Victoria’s strength shines through and she soon picks herself up to face the public again but her greatest moment comes when verbally destroying Cumberland.

Meanwhile, Ernest saunters back into the palace to cheer up his brother and maybe cheer up his downstairs mix up too. He again makes his intentions clear to Lady Sutherland, “If you had married a different kind of man. One who thought about you every moment you were apart. One who saw the way the curls fell on your neck in his dreams…” Ooh, Ernest. That even gave me shivers you old rogue you. Despite the lovelorn glances and steamy kisses, they do what they feel is right and leave it at that. With only a lock of her hair to show for his endeavours he walks away from her room with his unused tail between his legs. You sense he might be stroking that every single night. The lock of hair that is. Stop it with your dirty minds.

More romantic toing and froing  with Nancy and  Francatelli, who is going to new food based pastures and wants Nancy at his side. Alas, she decides she may be better off living in a grand palace. Funny that. True to form, for a story that’s been clumsily bubbling under the surface for weeks, it fizzled out on a whimper. It used up a lot of screen time that could have been assigned to the more meatier plots. That reminds me Mr chef, could you do us up a bacon sarnie before you go? There’s a good chap.

While there isn’t a happy ending for everyone else, Victoria and Albert are at one with child as the credits roll and its rather refreshing to end things on a positive note. Jenna Coleman has been “a revelation” to some but then she’s bloody great so why are people surprised? Her innocence and attitude have been perfectly channelled into this tiny ball of wonder. As for Tom Hughes, the show went from strength to strength with his introduction and while the make believe romance with Lord Melbourne was a charming distraction, the real love of Vicbert is much more affecting. So there you have it, my initial cynicism waned with every episode and I’d be probably be watching the next series even if Jenna wasn’t in it. I can’t pay Daisy Goodwin a higher compliment than that.

Lame of thrones

Albert really does have a sense of humour and it turns out he likes bad puns. That is the best kind of humour.

“A palace this size can never have too many teaspoons”. Nobody tell Uri Geller.

The scenes with Mr Oxford confirmed something I’ve been thinking these last few weeks: Victoria is like a glossy Ripper Street. Glossy Street. Glossingham Palace.

Jenna perv count

Tom Hughes got to kiss Jenna’s nose AND be paid for it. This is a mixture of emotions for me as it is my ultimate life goal but the seething jealousy is strong.

Hopes for series two

I really hope we get more commentary of the Victorian era away from just the Monarchy’s point of view.

Cut out the CGI or get better CGI. I was not amused.

A full on, disgustingly graphic sex scene between Vic and Albert. Something that’ll offend Sainsbury’s so much that they stop doing those bloody adverts during the show.

 

 

 

Reviews Of ‘Victoria’ By A Jenna Coleman Fan Who Hates Period Dramas AND The Monarchy – Episode 7

It’s not often you’d find me offering sympathy to members of the monarchy but the spectacle of having to sit through endless tiresome performances and trying to feign interest is a fate worse than Charles becoming King. In fact, our current head of state has entirely given up any pretence by scowling and the public still seem to love her anyway.”I am bilious quickly!” Victoria says as she runs from the room to be “indisposed from the mouth”. The music wasn’t THAT bad. Of course, it turns out she’s pregnant. Constant shagging without contraception tends to do that.

Not one to stay at home and take it easy, Victoria and Albert go away for a couple of days because they can. Butlins must have been fully booked that weekend so instead they visit the Giffords to wine and dine in the country. and shoot some birds in the process. That doesn’t happen in Minehead.  Victoria’s early plea of “don’t talk railway at me” backfires when Robert Peel turns up and bonds with the Prince over trains and a passionate belief that they are the future. Albert scurries away in secret for a dirty day out (the coal gets everywhere) with the future Prime Minister and is even more a fanboy of the train than Simon Pegg is about Star Wars.

After another mini argument, Vicbert get things back on track when Vic takes a ride on the steam train herself and it’s fair too say she loved it almost as much as Bert did.

There might not have been the same excitement if they’d ever had to endure another Southern Rail strike or taste the poor quality of over priced sandwiches on their buffet carts but let us enjoy such naive enthusiasm for now.

Meanwhile, back at the palace, Skerrett and Francatelli are bonding over food and soon invent the ‘Bombe Surprise’ but we are still waiting for their romance to truly explode. Will we finally see them lick each other’s spoons next week? That’s probably considered second base in Victorian times.

The show has grown in confidence as the series has progressed and it really feels like it’s found its true identity now. Sadly we only have one episode left but I’m more than pleased that the tone has become more historical and this has been achieved with plenty of laughs. A lot of the improvement lies in the relationship between the Queen and Prince. It is both fiery and cute and there is so much fun interplay between the two. Vicbert rules OK. Literally.

Lame of thrones

Victoria: “Albert doesn’t know how to talk. He doesn’t know how to dissemble”

“The sagging cleft of power” Eeew

Albert’s knowledge of Carlisle was almost as impressive as his love of trains.

Victoria: “Contrary to popular belief, I’m not actually scared of Tories” You should be ma’am.

FYI, there is nothing wrong with beetroot. But then I am a peasant.

EXCLUSIVE: Never seen before selfie by Sir Robert Peel.

Jenna perv count

“You are going to look at my body and be revolted. I know it”. Never, Vic. NEVER.

Albert looking at a steam train: “It is the most magnificent thing I have ever seen”. Mate, THIS IS YOUR WIFE…

Reviews Of ‘Victoria’ By A Jenna Coleman Fan Who Hates Period Dramas AND The Monarchy – Episode 6

There must be something funny in the water at Buckingham Palace this week for Victoria has descended into pure comedy with lots of hot snogging. The two main reasons why I’m really starting to love this show.

Poor Albert is struggling in his new position this week, well some positions he’s clearly good at but when it comes to his status within the monarchy and his grip of British eccentricities? There he struggles. He’s a lost soul reduced to blotting letters. “How delightful” indeed.  When he huffs that “the dogs wear jewellery, the piano’s are out of tune and all people talk about is the weather” it is a great moment. His misfortune is our joy. From how to pronounce Leicester to the ways of the muffin man..

.. it’s all alien to him. All the plaudits go to Tom Hughes whose performance of this frosty, seemingly cold man has gradually won us over with a mix of comedy and dramatic presence. Albert is a man of strong principles and he steps in to make a speech on the slave trade where Victoria herself feels she can’t because of its political nature. His speech goes down a storm and victory is his for once.

As for our Queen, her screen time is overshadowed by her husband this week but there’s still some great moments. She manipulates the Duke of Sussex into changing tradition for the benefit of her man but he’s not exactly ecstatic about it. Unsurprisingly. More notable is her approach to contraception. In a bid to keep at it like rabbits on poppers, Victoria takes some advice from Lehzen. Not giving away any spoilers but Dash the dog saw it all and was like..

So, are the sub plots getting anywhere ? Hand on heart I don’t have a scooby what’s going on between Miss Skerrett and the chef bloke. Not a scooby.  Maybe he’s not as sinister as he first seemed? Who knows. Hey, as he’s a chef  I guess you could say he serves up some

Or not. Meanwhile Ernest is trying to charm the married Lady Sutherland with a game of archery. Which is both dangerous and open to all sorts of stupid cupid puns. But as soon as he makes his intentions clear he says goodbye to the palace and shoots off back to Germany faster than you can say “archer’s paradox”. In truth it seems a  bit of a damp squib but at least he’s not going to get all stalky and creepy which is a good thing. Yet.

From Victoria’s dubious attempt at going incognito to Albert’s general lost puppy vibe, this was a wonderfully funny episode that touched on a serious issue too. Perhaps the strongest of the series. They’ve got me, I’ve been taken in. I’m now a fully paid up member of the VicBert occult. God save me Queen.

Lame of thrones

“They laugh at my accent, I’ve seen the cartons where I’m drawn as a sausage”. Welcome to Britain Albert, welcome to Britain.

Francatelli: “I find myself thinking about you sometimes when I’m in my sugar work” Is that what they called it in those days?  I hope he washes his hands before making the dinner.

To be fair to the Prince, it does look like Ly-sester

Sorry, Lord.. who?

Jenna perv count

In modern parlance, Jenna was “a precious cinnamon roll” for the whole episode. No, I don’t get it either.

In fact, she was just cute as flip.