My Top 30 Shows Of The Decade! (2010-2019)

Now that we’ve ticked over into a decade that actually has a name it’s time to process a time that many have named a “golden age” in television. By the way, if you’re one of those people who actually think the twenties start in 2021 then stop reading this blog because you are clearly insane and need help. And a calendar. When we’re born we’re not suddenly aged one are we?! There’s a bit of time between! They’re called months!

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Sorry, where was I? Ah yes. Here is my personal list of my favourite shows of the last ten years. There’s no Fleabag because no matter how good it is there’s the inescapable feeling that it is overrated. There’s no Game of Thrones either. I saw the first episode and once you’ve seen Emelia Clarke naked it’s not going to get any better than that is it?

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This has been an intense work about a great passion of mine.. TV that is – not Emelia Clarke’s bum. That’s a blog for another time. Feel free to debate, disagree and even rave about the show’s in my list. It’s all a matter of opinion. There will never be a definitive list because art speaks to us in many different ways. These are the show’s that made my heart beat faster, made me laugh and made me cry. God bless television…

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30: What Remains (BBC1) 2013

David Threlfall couldn’t be further from Frank Gallagher here. As Detective Len Harper he finds himself on the other side of the law in this claustrophobic whodunnit. When the decomposed body of a woman is found in an apartment all of the houses residents are suspects. Intriguingly and thoughtfully paced, What Remains is an underrated work.

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29: Catastrophe (Channel 4) 2015-19

From a dysfunctional couple to an even more dysfunctional family, creators Sharon Horgan and Rob Delaney put their namesakes through the mill with a mixture of highly developed intelligent comedy and plenty of potty mouthed goodness. A warts and all look into modern relationships.

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28: People Just Do Nothing (BBC3) 2014-18

The mockumentary on a mock pirate radio station kurupt FM. Consider yourself mocked with strange garage beats and the ridiculous adventures of a gang with the common sense of school children. Funnier that Craig David’s back catalogue, People Just Do Nothing has a unique flow and poetry to its comedy.

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27: Rhod Gilbert’s Work Experience (BBC Wales) 2010-18

It’s official, Rhod Gilbert can make anything funny. In one of the episodes he works in a hotel and changes beds yet manages to weild more laughs than Basil Fawlty achieved before serving breakfast. He flies a plane, becomes a vet and even poses as a male model. However, what truly makes the show is Rhod’s gruff, cynical and quick-fire narration. His unrelenting one-liners prove he should stick with being a comedian.

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26: Doctor Foster (BBC1) 2015-17

Suranne Jones gives a powerhouse performance as a woman betrayed by the equally screen stealing Bertie Carvel. It’s a small town show with grand ideas, some of them absolutely barmy, but Mike Bartlett’s script pushes the intrigue and suspense to extreme levels. It’s a theatre play portrayed as a glossy small screen spectacle. Doctor Foster is about the complexities of adult relationships but with a heightened, melodramatic fizz.

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25: Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle (BBC2) 2009-2016

You know Stewart Lee, you’ve seen him. On the telly. His Comedy Vehicles are thirty minute, meandering diatribes and they are essential. Between his takes on “The UKIPS” and Chris Moyles, Lee berates himself and the audience in ever decreasing stages of madness. Iconic television that deserved more love.

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24: Broadchurch (ITV) 2013-17

It’s easy to forget the cultural impact of Broadchurch back in the first season. The nation was hooked on the mystery of Danny Latimer’s death but it was in the harrowing effect on the local community where writer Chris Chibnall really struck gold. David Tennant and Olivia Colman as Hardy and Miller, two cops thrown together, were the definition of chemistry.

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Yes, series two was a bit of a letdown but the change of direction in the last run got the show back within touching distance of greatness again with a difficult subject handled with class. Series one won’t just be a classic of the last ten years, it will forever be a classic nonstop.

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23: Taskmaster (Dave) 2015-

Put a bunch of comedians in a room and you’re bound to be entertained. Get them to do ridiculous tasks and put them in a room to talk about doing the ridiculous tasks and you have an instant comedy franchise. Greg Davies and Alex Horne monitor proceedings in the hope things get out of hand and they often do. For instance, that time Liza Tarbuck got Alex to sit on a cake with his naked bottom.

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22: Bang (S4C) 2017-

A multilingual crime drama based in Port Talbot, Bang was an intense thriller which was essentially about one single gun and the chain of effects it has. Dark, twisty and so beautifully shot the town itself was a main character. Stories are rarely told from these corners of Britain and the good news is there’s a second series starts in early 2020.

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21: Stranger Things (Netflix) 2016-

It was acceptable in the 2010s. Hmm, not quite so catchy is it? The Duffer brothers piled on the nostalgia and dayglow horror to provide Netflix with one of their biggest ever hits. While evil tree branchy type things are the focus of the show’s evil, Stranger Things is all the classic buddy movies brought to the small screen.

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Let’s face it, things with child actors are usually fucking awful but the show’s biggest success is how wonderful the main cast are. The third series saw an evolution and change of direction so hopes are high for the future of Stranger Things.

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20: Dave Gorman: Modern Life Is Goodish (Dave) 2013-17

Imagine Black Mirror if it was much more obscure and performed by a comedian. That’s the pitch. Dave Gorman is in the form of his life as he studies the intricacies of modern day living with his own unique perspectives. Be it online shopping, hassling Alan Sugar with billboards or furrowing the real depths of the internet – the comment sections. Cynical but warm, opinionated but friendly. Modern Life is Goodish was most excellentish.

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19: Cucumber (Channel 4) 2015

Russell T. Davies wrote a study on modern day homosexuality through they eyes of Henry (the excellent Vincent Franklin) a middle-aged man who has his life turned upside down after a party that involves a death. He flees his previously stable relationship to house share with a flat full of young strangers led by 19 year old Dean.

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In typical Davies style Cucumber is laced with innuendo and high energy plotting. It’s some of the bravest drama commited to television. It’s funny and heartbreaking and leaves you on a constant seesaw between the two. There is one particular scene that is so shocking it’ll effect you for days. You’ll know it when you see it.

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While being crude without ever being tasteless, Cucumber was always about the bigger message. By challenging society’s perceptions of gayness and all sexuality it stands the test of time. The last, subtle line uttered by Henry is quite the ending for this one and done series.

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18: Spotless (Netflix) 2015

Jean Bastiere’s life was perfect on the surface with his lovely family and big house but appearances are deceiving. His job could almost be a metaphor for he runs a business that cleans up after crime scenes. His world is turned upside down when his brother Martin visits with a freezer and a dead body inside. Like you do. What follows is a chain of events that spiral out of control, so much so they end up working for a mob by clearing up their dirty work.

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Spotless is dramatic, cinematic and full of bleak humour in the darkest of circumstances. It’s the compelling story of a good man taken way out of his comfort zone but it’s Denis Menochet who plays Martin’s scruffy womanising bad boy with glee that steals the show.

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As compelling as it was gory, a second series was on the cards but sadly it seems network wranglings have put paid to those hopes. We’ll have to keep Spotless as an eternal sunshine of our minds.

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17: Misfits (E4) 2009-2015

Not all superheroes wear capes – some wear boilersuits. Cruder than Superman in a brothel, more disgusting than Batman’s coke habit but funnier than Ardal O’ Hanlon in My Hero. Seriously.

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Five juvenile offenders team up to do community service but a freak thunderstorm gives them powers they don’t understand and the magical ability to kill all their probation officers. Clumsy.

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If Misfits had been American then it’d have been glossy and the superpowers would have been useful. Instead these delinquents botch their way through misadventures while trying to shag eachother.

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Misfits flows with energy and off-kilter weirdness. From the bizarre (sample line: “Fuck the Tortoise, Alex”) to the blasphemous (THAT nativity scene).

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While it didn’t quite adjust to an entirely new cast with as much comfort as a certain show that is higher on this list, Misfits was and will always be a riot.

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16: My Mad Fat Diary (E4) 2013-15

An eye-catching take on teenage life based on the real-life experiences and book of Rae Earl. It’s Sharon Rooney’s task to express Rae’s issues with body image, mental health and self-abuse and she does so with great dignity and humour. If this had been a movie and not tucked away on E4 then all the awards would have been falling at Rooney’s feet

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Set in the nineties, My Mad Fat Diary tells the story of her interegration into a group of school friends, one of whom is Chloe, played by the then up and coming Jodie Comer. You may have heard of her?

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Colourful, brash and highly inventive yet all that still ignores the kick ass nineties soundtrack. By using The Charlatans’ ‘One To Another’ as the theme song it was never going to do wrong was it?

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15: Sherlock (BBC1) 2010-17

These Sherlock Holmes adventures set in present day London were full of writer’s Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss’ usual sense of wonder and wilful deception. Everything clicked from the first minute and in Benedict Cumberbatch a rising star shone brightly.

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The feature length episodes flew by with the help of brilliant dialogue and eye-catching cinematography, a lot of which has been copied to death since. Sherlock was fun and over the top but it’s extremity was what made it a trendsetter. Incredibly crafted plotlines took unexpected tangients and series 4, which many hated, was all the madness spilling over. Did it jump the shark by the end? Yes. Was it still highly watchable crime drama with twists galore? Absolutely.

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14: Uncle (BBC3) 2014-17

Nick Helm plays the dishevelled Andy who is forced to be young Errol’s (Elliot Speller-Gillott) uncle in nature more than just in name and a beautiful if strange friendship results. So far, so very twee you’re thinking? Except it’s done under the influence of alcohol and drug addiction while bursting into inappropriate songs. Dylan Moran even appears as a wizard. Potty mouthed but full of emotional resonance, Uncle was a family pack of laughter.

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13: Black Mirror (Channel 4 & Netflix) 2011-

Black Mirror’s first ever episode involved the Prime Minister fucking a pig and that’s one of the more normal plots that bears resembence to our times. Charlie Brooker’s anthology series on mankind’s relationship with technology might have dystopian overtones but sometimes the stories reflect the news in the months that follow transmission.

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Dark, twisted, satirical, frightening and sometimes, just sometimes funny. A constant parade of strong casts and intriguing plots mean Black Mirror continues to be worryingly relevant and episodes such as ‘San Junipero’ and ‘Hang The DJ’ prove it’s not all doom and gloom.

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12: Luther (BBC1) 2010-2019?

Idris Elba is commanding as detective John Luther. Sure, his personal life is complex but it gets a lot weirder when he runs into Alice Morgan (played with a devilish viguer by Ruth Wilson). Alice is a murderer our antagonist can’t lock up. Against all odds they form a crime fighting partnership which surprisingly doesn’t follow rules.

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In short, Luther is a mad show. A crime drama that’s permanently heightened and that’s where the fun lies. Writer Neil Cross revels in the world of this alternative London with a dark hearted crime drama that’s both thrilling and extremely gory. It’s a near perfect balance of murder mystery and action. You’re either not into Luther or you’re along for the whole ride. Just don’t get the night bus, eh?

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11: Happy Valley (BBC1) 2014-

Writer and creator Sally Wainwright had a prolific decade of not just hit television, but top quality television at that. Last Tango In Halifax, Scott & Bailey and Gentlemen Jack add to what was an already impressive CV but arguably the high-water mark is Happy Valley.

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Sarah Lancashire is sensational as police sergeant Catherine Caewood, a woman struggling with her daughter’s suicide and living with her alcoholic sister. Tommy Lee Royce, played by James Norton who is clearly enjoying going dark side. Tommy has recently been released from prison. The thing is, he raped Catherine’s daughter and was ultimately responsible for for her death, not that he got locked up for that. His new found freedom causes fractures in catherines personal and work life.

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Gritty is a word that could sum up Happy Valley as the backdrop for all this is a small working class town riddled with poverty and addiction. These are themes that run through the show.

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The dialogue is so masterfully constructed and real to life and an impressive cast brings life to this little world with big problems. Wainwright has such a natural ability to make characters real and not just half-arsed sketches.

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Despite such a huge chasm of time since the last series there is a third in the works but it’s likely we’ll have to wait at least a couple more years. The pace of life in the country is slower to be fair.

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10: Inside No.9 (BBC2) 2014-

From the, let’s say perverse, minds that gave us The League Of Gentlemen and Psychoville came a horror anthology as shocking as it was surprising. Reece Shearsmith and Steve Pemberton dreamt up the surreal, the creepy, the mad and everything else on the bonkers spectrum.

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By it’s very nature there will be episodes that disappoint, it’s range of tone and subjects won’t translate to everyone at all times, but if you don’t take to one episode it’s likely you’ll fall in love with the next. When it excels it’s one of the best things committed to telly. The variation and depth of material is to be respected.

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The silent episode ‘A Quiet Night In’ was the first hint that we had something special but the tone always shifts. Take ‘The 12 Days of Christine’ which is genuinely heartbreaking. Or Zanzibar which is a hotel based farce spoken entirely in spoof Shakespearian. In ‘Diddle Diddle Dumpling’ a man becomes obsessed with a stray shoe. There’s plenty more where that came from.

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2018’s live Halloween special could have been the moment Inside No.9 ate itself but they mastered every detail to perfection and so high was the concept they got viewers switching off in droves. That’s art that is.

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The new decade will usher in the fifth series and as usual we have no idea what to expect other the the number nine being involved. Who knows, maybe even that’s not a guarantee.

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9: Detectorists (BBC4) 2014-17

In a decade where cynicism grew exponentially, MacKenzie Crook offered an obscure form of light relief. Tucked away on BBC4 and offering a comforting hug to those who discovered it in the ditches of the TV schedules, Detectorists was never really about metal detecting – it was about friendship. Hapless though Lance and Andy were the important thing is they were nice. That’s it. It’s not very fashionable is it? We willed them to be better with women. We hoped they would find their pot of gold.

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Through stunning shots of the English countryside Detectorists brought a warm glow even if the weather conditions were drizzly. Lance and Andy nattering about nonsense was the heart of the show of course but no show is complete without a nemesis and in the ridiculous form of the ‘Antiquisearchers’ (or Simon & Garfunkel to be more precise) they definitely didn’t meet their match. So much comic gold was mined when the pairs squared up against each other.

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Let’s also not forget the oddball characters that made up the Danebury Metal Detecting Club and their awkward, mostly pointless meetings. It all added to a small world with a big heart. This should go down as an all-time classic comedy, one that gave our flawed antiheroes the ending they deserved.

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8: Community (NBC & Yahoo Screen) 2009-2015

Meet Jeff Winger, a lawyer who finds himself at Greendale Community College after having his degree revoked. Jeff stands as the morale conscience of the show despite not having many morals. He meets dipsy Troy, geeky Abed, grouchy Pierce, bubbly Shirley, cutesy Annie and not so brittle Britta. They’re the seven dwarfs of pop culture references and meta comedy.

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What starts out as pretty standard fare soon blossoms into a programme full of creativity and fierce intelligence. Community starts descending, or rather ascending into a world of crazy parodies and obscure ideas with the crazy dial up at eleven. There’s the spectacular episode where we visit many different timelines including Abed’s darkest. There’s the paintball episodes where Greendale keeps becoming a surreal shooting range. Then there’s the episode that is entirely animated. If these sound a bit too gimmicky then there’s the bottle episode where they’re in one room just looking for Annie’s pen.

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Creator and lead writer Dan Harmon (now in charge of Rick And Morty) was absent from the often ridiculed fourth series which the show itself later referred to as “the gas leak year”. We had six seasons in the end but will we ever get the movie?

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7: Mongrels (BBC3) 2010-11

RUSSELL HOWARD’S EYES! Yes this is a high placing and it’s fully deserved. Welcome to the back garden of a pub in the Isle of Dogs, this way madness lies. Maybe “welcome” isn’t the word because being called a cunt may not be considered de rigueur in polite society… and this isn’t polite society. Only posh fox Nelson could fall under that category for he’s a metro-sexual il Divo fan.

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The rest of the puppet reprobates that make up the cast are Vince the sweary fox, Kali the bad pun pigeon and Destiny the selfish dog but the less said about her the better (if only they’d followed up on the hint that she’d died at the end of series one) Lastly, and certainly not least there’s Marion the bin dwelling cat who is many furballs short of common sense.

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While clearly influenced by fast-paced American comedies, Mongrels revels in the shitness of Britain. It’s crude, lewd and even offensive if you’re of a certain disposition. No subjects are off limits and it proved more cutting than any satirical show out there. They managed to do this in stories about Marion getting stuck in a wheel and training Michael Jackson’s monkey to stop masturbating.

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It’s scattered with pop culture references, some of which have admittedly dated in the past ten years but many still stick. There’s also lots of brief appearances from celebrities willing to be ridiculed. Let’s face it, some are more known than others. Who’s Paul Ross?

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Then there are the songs, oh boy, those songs. Marion’s ode to his underage sweetheart Lollipop, Nelson’s tourist advertisement for Millwall (“No-one’s been stabbed here since Friday / Arson is on the decline”). The previously mentioned monkey singing of his desire to murder Justin Bieber. There are so many slices of inappropriate should have been hits.

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The attention to detail in both the puppetry and blink and you miss them visual jokes show a real creativity that’s gone into making of the show. The voice work is exceptional too with nods to Rufus Jones as Nelson and Dan Tetsell’s baffling transilvanian accent for Marion being the true stars of the show.

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Mongrels was cut short when in its prime as the best things often are, like Princess Diana and Fuse bars.

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6: Utopia (Channel 4) 2013-14

Meeting people you know online in real life isn’t as frowned upon as it once was but if Utopia is anything to go by, perhaps it should be. Foul mouthed Becky (Alexandra Roach), straight laced Ian (Nathan Stewart-Jarrett) and the paranoid Wilson Wilson (Adeel Akhtar) had been chatting together on a forum about ‘The Utopia Experiment’. This is a graphic novel which allegedly predicted the disasters of the previous century but it’s the unpublished follow up which everyone thinks will save the human race, that makes people lose their minds.

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This new strange alliance sets out to find the manuscript for good reasons but ‘The Network’ want it for bad and go on a killing spree. Neil Maskell is fascinating as the sullen Arby, the murderer who has his own catchphrase in “Where is Jessica Hyde?!” We, the viewer soon find her and she’s played with relish by Fiona O’ Shaughnessy.

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In keeping with the comic book theme, the palette in Utopia is visually striking with its bright, bold colours where yellow is the stand out. Look very closely and you’ll see how much it subtly filters into virtually every element of the show. It adds to the uniqueness of a thriller that would stand on its own anyway.

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The brilliant soundtrack supplied by Cristobal Tapia de Veer is another important factor. The electronic glitches and uneasy bleeps sit perfectly with the oddness of the world Dennis Kelly has created. Imagine The Chemical Brothers on antidepressants.

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Utopia is darkly comic and comically gruesome. While not the fastest moving of shows, the storytelling, humour and sense of farce are what give the urgency. Never a show to play it safe, so much so that the first episode of the second run was a genesis story featuring none of the main cast. From humble beginnings to eugenics and the dark forces behind it, this was a television masterclass and it’s influence on television dramas that followed is clear.

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Everyone on the screen is playing a blinder (that’s an in-joke for fans) but there are two stand out performances. Alexandra Roach embodies the opinionated and strong willed Becky with classic one liners and Adeel Akhtar’s nerdy, complex Wilson Wilson is so good they named him twice.

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If Utopia has one major flaw it’s that there was no resolution. The story hadn’t finished and that is an insult to the writer, cast and fans. Series two ended on a cliffhanger and then Channel 4 pulled the plug. The Network were evil commissioners all along. There was talk of a streaming site taking it on but nothing ever materialised. There is however an American remake in the offing but that must be greeted with cynicism. The original story wasn’t fully told, why start a new one? There wasn’t a show like this before and there hasn’t been one since. Utopia is small screen paradise – if paradise involves a lot of bad language and killing.

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5: Peaky Blinders (BBC1) 2013-

Back in 2013 the thought of Cillian Murphy playing a gangster would have seemed like we’d entered Abed’s dark timeline again. “Remember I’m an actor” he told writer Steven Knight when doubts were raised and what an actor he is. This slight, pretty man inhabited the demons of Tommy Shelby and made him walk tall into TV history.

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Peaky Blinders tells the story of a family between two wars. Brothers Tommy and Arthur are struggling to cope after returning as soldiers. Their PTSD manifests itself in different ways, Tommy is the brains of the operation and Arthur is the attack dog. The Shelby Company limited sets up an illegal bookies and they also start exporting booze and drugs. Needless to say they get caught up with all the wrong kinds of people. Or wronger kind of people.

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Peaky manages to be extremely violent and yet sumptuous to watch. It is crafted to near perfection to create a believable if grim world. Aesthetically no other show can compare as a period piece with this amazing interpretation of the times.

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Backed up by a stellar cast including Helen McCrory and Sophie Rundle and guests such as Sam Neil, Paddy Considine and some bloke called Tom Hardy, Peaky Blinders continues to deliver shocks and emotional gut punches. Should we care so much about a criminal gang? Of course not but the combination of Knight’s writing, the remarkable direction, loud as fuck soundtrack and perfect cast means we can loosen our morals a little.

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4: No Offence (Channel 4) 2015-18

Crime Dramas have been ten a penny the last ten years but creator Paul Abbott had his own take on the genre. Sure, there were elements of ‘Shameless’ in the DNA but this was like no show ever seen before. No Offence was chaotic, bizarre and hard hitting. It was fast moving and dialogue heavy, so much so it could almost be disorientating. Hilarious one liners and ludicrous situations mixed effortlessly with big issues such as the murders of girls with Downs Syndrome, child slavery and far right politics.

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With all that going on you need the performances to pay off so step forward Joanna Scanlan as Viv Deering. Viv is intense, playful, hard as nails and vulnerable. Most of all though she’s funny as hell. There’s so many wonderful quotes that there’s no point going into them all. If she’s not using breath spray on her privates she’s breaking the rules in her own style. Deering has to go down as one the TV greats.

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It’s not all about Viv though. No Offence is an ensemble piece and everyone has their moments. Elaine Cassidy as the intensely moral but wayward Dina gives the performance of her career. Alexandra Roach as the innocent but kick ass Joy is a revelation. Then there’s Paul Ritter having the time of his life as Miller, a man who revels in the moribundity of it all and takes everything that bit too far. He is outstanding and one of his greatest moments came when he shouted “I’VE GOT GOAT ON ME!” before licking it off his coat “No, it’s Curry” Oh, by the way, they blew up a goat with a bomb. Of course they did.

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Sadly this year Channel 4 announced that No Offence was not coming back and that is a dreadful loss. Television needs brave, visionary storytelling like this. One day it will be considered as a classic and when it is Viv will be raising a wry smile knowing she was right all along. As always.

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3: Car Share (BBC1) 2015-18

On paper Car Share had all the appeal of being stuck in traffic with Jack Whitehall as a your passenger. Frankly, the premise of two colleagues going to and from work is hardly something to get the pulse racing. In an age where comedies are fast paced, abruptly edited and over the top, Car Share proved there’s hilarity in the mundane and plenty of heart in the normal. While it defied genre norms it also set a benchmark by smashing iPlayer viewing records.
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If you’re looking for epic plot twists and convoluted storylines then you won’t find them on the not so mean streets of Bolton. If however you want to see someone accidentally drink some piss then this is for you. It’s the mix of slapstick and intelligently observed long-form conversation that gives Car Share a warm, comforting feel and that’s nothing to do with the urine.
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Charm is a word used way too often in TV circles but this has it in spades. Two opposites collide and the results are fun and often bizarre. John (Peter Kay) is a grumpy cynic worn down by years of middle management. Kayleigh (Sian Gibson) on the other hand is the bright, perky and sometimes irritating angel on his shoulder. John’s view out of the windscreen is a foggy grey mist whereas Kaleigh sees sunshine and rainbows through the same glass. The actor’s real-life friendship shows on the screen. Opposites attract as the wise prophet Paula Abdul once said.
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Speaking of pop music, let’s hear it for the show’s third main character – Forever FM. The local radio station it’s ok to listen to. It’s upbeat music and oddball adverts soundtrack the show’s feel good tone perfectly. While your ears digest the cheese your eyes are distracted by ridiculous road signs and billboards. Ugly city landscapes are turned into comedy art. The attention to detail isn’t just in the script. Just don’t mention that dirty back window.

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While Peter Kay is on top form, the undoubted star of the car is Sian Gibson. Her portrayal of quirky Kayleigh is totally endearing. No-one has delivered a line about an iceberg lettuce quite so beautifully.
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There are so many classic moments from John’s loudspeaker call to his boss to Kayleigh’s neighbour going dogging. The standout might just be Reece Shearsmith’s appearance as a smelly fishmonger with anger issues. His scenes are full of such joy and the three of them together is comedy gold. Who doesn’t need a whiffy rendition of ‘Here Comes The Hotstepper?’

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They almost messed things up by giving the second series just four episodes that culminated in an unhappy ending. Due to public demand they came back with two specials in order to prevent the politest riot ever. Curiously one was an unscripted special which basically amounted to a DVD extra. The finale made up for everything though with an ending that was happy but not overly saccharine.
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Car Share first aired in 2015 and if you feel weighed down by all the gloom of current affairs then why not treat yourself to a rewatch and transport yourself back to more innocent times. Yes, it’s been a really long decade indeed but thank God John and Kayleigh were there to make us smile.

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2: Line Of Duty (BBC1) 2012-

First put out in 2012 during what will potentially be our last ever summer of love, Line Of Duty was the antithesis of the countries mood. While everybody was preoccupied with the Olympics and being proud of our country AC-12 were rooting out bent coppers before it was fashionable.

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Comprised of Ted Hastings (Adrian Dunbar) Kate Fleming (Vicky McClure) and Steve Arnott (Martin Compston) the anti-corrupton unit were hot on the tail of Tony Gates, a man they believed to be fiddling the figures. What seemed like a fantastic one series arc soon bleeds onto the new story of series two. Keeley Hawes took on the role of the hunted for one of the best moments of her career. From then on each new run catches you off guard and pulls your pants down. Everything, no matter how unconnected it seems, turns out to be part of a far bigger conspiracy.

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Jed Mercurio’s writing is so intricate and clever. Things don’t make the final draft for no reason. The sheer audacity to stick to the conspiracy whilst throwing in curveballs as bullets is the sign of a master at work. In Line of Duty he has created a vibrant, suspenseful thriller, the like of which has not been seen before. Far from being boring, thirty minute interrogation scenes are heart racing slabs of perfect melodrama. The beat to those interviews are almost hypnotic.

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Adrian Dunbar is in great form as Ted, a man so full of principles he might burst and let some secrets out. He’s authoritative, charming and has many a catchphrase to cause a chuckle in the most heated of moments. But every good man needs a nemesis and AC-12 has had its fair share so it’s worth mentioning that Lennie James, Keeley Hawes, Daniel Mays, Thandie Newton and Stephen Graham have all been worthy adversaries. All villains with shade and complexity. If they walked on stage at a panto they wouldn’t get booed. They’d be greeted by confusion. Mainly because five year olds won’t have watched Line of Duty. Craig Parkinson’s excellently sinister Dot would not only get booed but kicked out the theatre – by the children’s parents.

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2020 will see our favourite anti-corrupton unit (BOO TO AC-9!) return. Is Ted really dodgy? Will Arnott buy some more waistcoats? Just remember one thing – don’t trust anyone.

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1: Being Human (BBC3) 2009-2013

“So a werewolf, a ghost and a vampire decide to live like humans do. They get jobs, a house and a TV license. They make friends they will lie to, take lovers they will infect-in fact, the only part of humanity they successfully adopt is its ability to deceive and destroy”

A small scale domestic drama with a supernatural twist. It’s a simple houseshare premise but this time the inhabitants are a vampire, a ghost and a werewolf. The scope of creator Toby Whithouse’s vision meant BBC Three’s modest little show transcended it’s humble beginnings. The balance between mundane domesticity and ambitious science fiction is just part of what makes Being Human truly special. This isn’t grandiose Dracula style mythology nor is it tepid Twilight / Vampire Diaries nonsense.

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Initially set in Bristol with Mitchell (Aidan Turner) George (Russell Tovey) and Annie (Lenora Crichlow), series one could almost be classed as the innocent times. Innocent here translates as bloody killings, haunting your ex from the grave, being accused of fiddling with kids and a gruesome battle with an arch enemy. The masterstroke is that all these things happened between conversations about mouli graters and Marigolds. This balance continued perfectly throughout all five series. Switching between brooding intensity and full-on funny within seconds came naturally to a show that never played it safe. There were two mass murder sprees and a baby was blown up yet this doesn’t come close to describing the blood shed or services rendered as Mr. Snow might say. This deep mood is darkened further by composer Richard Well’s atmospheric original score.

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Being Human evolved further with a move to Barry Island and enforced cast changes that would’ve been a stake through the heart of most shows. In series four and five we were gifted with newcomer Damien Molony and his awkward bromance with Michael Socha’s Tom which, along with a move deeper into science fiction territory gave proceedings a new lease of life when it wasn’t thought to be needed. Kate Bracken’s Alex soon completed a new trio that weren’t given enough time together because the axe fell in 2013. While general consensus lies with the original trio being the best, what followed them is extremely underrated. The first three years may have been more consistent but when the last two years peaked the episodes were equal to and sometimes even better than the original incarnation. ‘Making History’ stands atop a very busy podium.

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One of the biggest factors in Being Human landing the top spot is the dialogue. Oozing with quotability and natural conversation, everything flows so bloody well. There isn’t a show around with dialogue this special. Take Hal’s tense reunion with Mr Snow in the cafe. Take George calling Mitchell “deadly furniture”. Take Herrick’s last speech in the cellar. Take Alex berating Hal for causing her death. Take the epic Captain Hatch speech in the finale. Take Ivan’s shruggles to stay clean (“I’m this close to wiping out an entire branch of Argos”) Take it all for goodness sake and annoy your friends by quoting it all the sodding time. Who cares if they have no idea what the hell you’re talking about.

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It goes without saying how strong the aforementioned actors are but Being Human was chock full of talent everywhere you looked. Sinead Keenan’s Nina was an undervalued character but a vital part of the story. It may be because she dumped George and challenged Mitchell as to why praise wasn’t heaped on in spades but it’s easy to forget that she started out human. Nina is us, the viewer, except she actually inhabits this strange world for the first time but still with all her natural instincts and moral convinctions at her core. In the second and third installments particularly Sinead deserved equal billing.

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Then there was Herrick, the greatest baddy there’s ever been. On the surface he looked about as threatening as a lamppost but Jason Watkins took a great villain on paper and twisted him into something special. He acted his socks off with knowing smiles and wicked grins. So good was Watkins that on Herrick’s grand return he made us think the old rogue could have some redemption inside his cold, cold body. Silly us.

–

The acting credits are an impressive rollcall featuring respected names such as Donald Sumpter and Phil Davis to early roles for up and coming performers. Craig Roberts played a perverted teenager in his forties, Alexandra Roach fell apart as a decomposing zombie, Sacha Dhawan hunted vampires so badly they slayed him and Sara Pascoe was a widow ghost mum. There are too many to mention because it’s bewildering and that’s before you hear who some of the writers are. As you ask, Tony Basgallop, Lisa McGee, Sarah Phelps and Jamie Mathieson to name some.

–

Long story short, if you haven’t watched Being Human then make a start on it today. If you have watched it then do it again and again until Toby Whithouse is in 10 Downing Street and its script is taught on every school syllabus. SHOW NO MERCY.

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My top 25 TV Shows of 2017

25: Naked Attraction – Series 2 (Channel 4)

Yes, seriously. It’s made my list. Hear me out on this one. Despite it’s obvious channel Four style silliness this actually has more going for it than something like Sex Box. It’s refreshing to see “normal” bodies on TV, warts (sometime’s literally) and all. It’s also, in its own way, an interesting take on human attraction. Plus, at the moments you’re not taking it semi (ahem) seriously, it’s nice to see lots of male genitals that make me feel a hell of a lot better about my own bits.

 

24: Inside No. 9 – Private View (BBC2)

The sheer audacity of Inside No. 9 means they can kill off Peter Kay in the opening minute. Private View plays out like an Agatha Christie novel set in an art basement. But with a reality TV star and a man named Kenneth Williams who has no sense of irony, or ironically no sense of innuendo.

The strangers are called to an exhibition but are soon picked off one by one in ever increasingly imaginative ways. There’s boob jokes, anal sex jokes, toilet humour and yet it still manages to be clever. How do they do it? The twist turns slowly and the motives of the culprit are thoroughly unexpected. Another gem from team Shearsmith and Pemberton.

 

23: Gameface – Series 1 (E4)

The pilot which aired way back in 2014 suggested Gameface would be in the tradition of Man Down but time has given the show a facelift. The series proved to be more stylised with a cinematic feel and different use of editing. Marcella has a drug addict brother, a dick of an ex-boyfriend and a blossoming crush on her driving instructor. She’s prone to getting into situations she doesn’t want to be in. She gets in supermarket brawls, triggers a fellow actor into a panic attack and flicks a lover’s testicles. Though he seemed to like being in that situation. Roisin Conaty writes and stars and is clearly in her element. Hopefully a second series beckons.

 

22: Witless – Series 2 (BBC3)

A strange old show is Witless. Billed as a comedy thriller, the adventures of Leanne and Rhonda descend more into farce with more twists than you can point a gun at and that’s what got them into so much trouble in the first place. Series two finds them trying desperate measures to escape their lives in Witness Protection with the help of dodgy fancy dress gear and a bear named Charlie Little Pockets. Don’t ask. It never plays for easy laughs but Kerry Howard is the one who brings most comic relief to a show that is a strong mix of silly and dark.

 

21: Stranger Things – Series 2 (Netflix)

While hardly the fasted paced show going, it was good to explore more of ‘The Upside Down’ and the Hawkins lab in series two. It’s fair to say that the happenings in this little pocket of America didn’t evolve too much and it lacked the impact of the first run but for the most part it felt like a continuation of a winning formula, if you overlook the pointless “Eleven goes to the city” episode  Anything that consists of child actors should by definition be awful but my God, these guys are excellent. Quite where things go from here is going to be intriguing. The downside up?

 

20: Sherlock – Series 4 (BBC1)

Critically panned for sure and suggestions that it jumped the shark do have some validity. However, when Sherlock is on top form it is still spectacular, like the Eurus reveal for example, or the demented spin off of The Crystal Maze in the finale. Plot holes? There were a few and yes, Mary’s death was a bit rubbish but not quite as rubbish as Watson’s reaction but what carried series four over the line was the strong performances and masterful direction which gave adrenaline to the poorest run to date. There are rumours that Sherlock might come back in a few years time but it’s probably wise to put this under the deer stalker hat and back into the dusty cupboard for good.

 

19: BoJack Horseman – Series 4 (Netflix)

Sure, we can all relate to a depressed, formerly famous horse and even if you can’t, the Netflix animation continues to surprise and astound. The themes have always been a bit morose but there are glimmers of the human side to him. Or the.. horse side. You know what I mean. Tragedy and comedy are simply two cheeks on the same arse and the writing is so funny and assured there’s plenty of padding. Erm.

 

18: The End Of The F**king World – Series 1 (Channel 4 / Netflix)

In another baffling take on Channels’ starting to give up on the whole putting TV shows on the actual TV, The End Of The F***ing World was confined to streaming service All4. That’s a shame because many will miss out on this teenage misadventure. While the episodes were frustratingly short and there were way too many flashbacks for a series that didn’t clock up many minutes in total, the deeply troubled pairing of James and Alyssa was riotously entertaining. Awkward fumblings, suicide, stabbings, and car explosions are par for the course but despite their attitude an inner monologue expresses all their vulnerability. Jessica Barden stands out with her portrayal of a young woman going off the rails. In their bid to escape they end up more trapped than ever.

 

17: GLOW – Series 1 (Netflix)

Big hair? check. Spandex? Check. Kick ass women? Check. Cheesy eighties classics? Check. Need any more convincing? It has (references to) sex, it definitely has drugs and the trio is completed by a rock n’ roll attitude. A disparate group of women audition for a new show for female wrestlers and the journey to get to the pilot is a total riot. Director Sam Silva is an arrogant misogynist but he sure as hell meets his match in his cast. The second run has already been shot and is expected to air later this year.

 

16: Cold Feet – Series 7 (ITV)

As middle age creeps closer and closer for me, perhaps I should watch Cold Feet as a lesson in how not to grow old with dignity. Affairs, addiction, work stress, family stress and depression are some of the happy subjects that our motley crew are faced with. As ever, it’s done with winning performances from a cast who know each other so well. Writer Mike Bullen is a genius in the way he wraps it all together in funny and affecting tales that produce the feelgood factor every time.

 

15: Black Mirror – Hang The DJ (Netflix)

Coming across as a hybrid of 500 Days Of Summer, The Truman Show and the show’s own past in San Junipero, this romantic installment proves that beneath all the fear, panic and death, Charlie Brooker does have a soft side. Amy and Frank are cooped up in a world where a digital companion controls their love lives. Who they date, where and how long for. For Black Mirror this is a straight forward story that shows some rules are meant to be broken.

 

14: Line Of Duty – Series 4 (BBC1)

Thandie Newton is the captivating centre of our attention this time but a leap from BBC2 to the headline channel doesn’t mean that all the old strands have been forgotten about. As ever, the main protagonist is there to confuse viewers with dubious actions and multiple alibis. Ted Hastings is on top form as usual, you wouldn’t expect anything less from the fella, but all in all it proved to be the least satisfying series to date.

That’s not to say it wasn’t mostly brilliant but there was a sense that not much ground was covered in comparison to previous runs. There wasn’t even much in the way of the long interrogation scenes either. Maybe that was an editorial decision to stop the show edging towards parody? Either way, the worst series of Line Of Duty is still a thrill ride that puts most TV to shame. Bar the thirteen listed below, obviously. Don’t be picky.

 

13: Broadchurch – Series 3 (ITV)

Recovering from the ultimate case of ‘Second Series Syndrome’ (yes, SSS), Hardy and Miller are on top form again. Bar the Latimer’s tragic tale of coping with loss, Broadchurch moves on from the events of before. While skipping a few years ahead of our last visit grates at first, it’s a choice that actually allows the final run to breathe so much easier on its own terms.

The topic of rape and sexual abuse is dealt with by good research and much needed sensitively and for that it should be applauded. A whodunnit about a rape felt very odd and left viewers feeling a bit uneasy but that was probably the whole point and Julie Hesmondhalgh played the role of Trish with raw honesty.

In true Broadchurch fashion, there were big, almost laughable red herrings (or in this case, mackerels) such as dramatic close ups of condoms on a dashboard or an intense camera zoom on a load of footballer’s socks but I can forgive them that. Hardy and Miller will be much missed but it’s nice to know that Beth has got a new job as a doctor.

 

12: Black Mirror – Black Museum (Netflix)

Rolo Haynes,  a former neurological research recruiter now runs a debauched horror show of a museum. As he guides Nish around the “attraction” he tells of his past in extreme and sometimes gory detail. These three differing stories show a man with increasingly loose morals and the pay off is worth its wait in Gold. If it feels like things are getting a bit too bleak just remember that “Monkey loves you”..

 

11: Taskmaster – Series 5 (Dave)

Taskmaster continues to go from strength to strength as it grows ever more with confidence. If you want to see Sally Phillips make out with a water cooler and frankly, who doesn’t? Then this is the show for you. If you want to see Bob Mortimer turn a coconut into a businessman and frankly, who doesn’t? Then this is the show for you. If you want to see Aisling Bea dressed as a sexy robot called the ‘Cuddlebot 5000’ and frankly, who doesn’t? Then this is the show for you. If you don’t want to see any of these things then put your telly in a skip and go read a book or something.

 

10: Inside No. 9 – The Riddle Of The Sphinx (BBC2)

Inside No 9 is at its glorious best when putting surreal meat on the bones of simple ideas. This is all about crosswords and no matter how boring that may sound , Shearsmith and Pemberton elevate proceedings beyond anything other comedy writers can manage. It’s complex and deeply compelling.

The Riddle Of The Sphinx revolves around Nina who stumbles into the office of a professor that soon teaches her the best ways of deciphering clues in cryptic crosswords. Naturally, as a storm rages outside there are twists and dark turns aplenty. Everything about it feels perfect. The deliciously lit Gothic set-up, the wordplay and the performances of course. One of the best, if not the best of the anthology series to date.

 

9: Black Mirror – USS Callister (Netflix)

Reality becomes virtual as Robert Daly, a quiet overlooked co-manager of a technology company starts to play out his fantasies in another world where he is appreciated and respected. He uploads his work colleagues onto his computer based spaceship. In there he is the captain and an outright bully. What follows is unpredictable and at times hilarious story as his trapped crew plot their escape.

As a social commentary, white male privilege is clearly a target and trolling might be an issue covered too, i.e. how people act online in a way they wouldn’t in real life. USS Callister is Black Mirror at its zany, uncompromising best.

 

8: Dave Gorman’s Modern Life Is Goodish – Series 5 (Dave)

A man stands in front of a PowerPoint screen and picks up on all the mundane quirks of modern day life. That’s it really. Except Dave (the man, not the channel) has always had the language at his disposal to make the smallest things witty and fascinating. He is an expert storyteller and each episode has themes running trough them and brilliant callbacks. The attention to detail is extraordinary.

Though he has a fierce intellect, as is so often the case with Dave Gorman these are cases of a man old enough to know better. He messes with children’s toys in an elaborate effort to trick his friends, he buys a taxi to make money from nightclub bouncers but he’s not always the winner. Someone very close to him plays him at his own game. Sadly, there will be no more of this innovative little show.

 

7: Peaky Blinders – Series 4 (BBC2)

Read my reviews here:

https://yekimmikey.wordpress.com/category/peaky-blinders-series-4/

 

6: Bang – Series 1 (S4C)

Read my reviews here:

https://yekimmikey.wordpress.com/category/bang-s4c/

 

5: Detectorists – Series 3 (BBC4)

Mackenzie Crook’s instant classic booked itself into TV folklore with the last ever six episodes of a show that may have gone under the radar of the mainstream but quality will always win out. It was also great to see the roles of “Simon and Garfunkel” extended and it added to comedy that has the sweetest pathos. There were so many golden moments in what are essentially small details: Andy rescuing a hedgehog and stumbling on his dream home, Lances’s canal boat confusion and the Bat Action Helpline (B.A.T).

If there’s one minor criticism it’s that there wasn’t enough of the Danebury Metal Detecting Club this time round but given that this was Andy and Lance’s farewell, it is understandable they should get more of the screen time. Made with love for both a hobby and the English countryside, it has always left me with a warm glow when the credits roll but my goodness, that ending was beyond perfect. In a cynical, violent world, Detectorists was a tribute to the softer side of humanity. It will be greatly missed.

 

 

4: Doctor Foster – Series 2 (BBC1)

Read my reviews here:

https://yekimmikey.wordpress.com/category/doctor-foster/

 

3: Car Share – Series 2 (BBC1)

Despite the second run being as just as brilliant in essence as the first there’s the worry that the writers shot themselves in the foot a bit. Or fell over running to a postbox and back. On what should have been an heroic lap of honour, the reduction from six episodes to four, as well as a sad ending, left an unsavoury taste in the mouth. The powers that be have clearly had a change of heart and succumbed to viewers complaints. In a bizarre move we will be getting a proper final episode sometime this year as well as an unscripted one where Peter Kay and Sian Gibson will be talking made up nonsense to each other. It promises to be brilliant because the chemistry between them shines off the screen anyway. The change of plan further fuels questions as to why the second series didn’t comprise of six in the first place.

Enough of the moaning, what Car Share did offer us this time round didn’t disappoint. From harassment by a drunken smurf to a Monkey hitchhiker the laughs were as big as its heart. This wasn’t simply a case of going to work and back, their world was extended just a little as they journeyed to a party and skived off for a day to go on a mini adventure.  Though the set pieces were a little bigger, and I do mean a little, John and Kayleigh’s blossoming love was dealt with sweetly even though after the first series I thought they should just stay friends. The comedy is observational and down to earth but uproariously funny in the process. Let’s not forget the classic hits (and more classic adverts) of Forever FM either and lots of witty signage for the more attentive viewer. The pressure is on for the last installment but let’s enjoy the moment before it becomes NeverAgain FM.

 

 

2: Uncle – Series 3 (BBC2)

For its last ever run, Uncle surpassed the expectations set by its humble but still fantastic beginnings.  It was more emotional (I genuinely cried) than most dramas. It was funnier (I genuinely cried) than most comedies from the year put together. Not afraid to touch on sensitive subjects such as addiction and cancer with unashamed sentiment but also go for the farcical jugular – the stupidly thought out intervention on his sister and Andy and Errol’s fantastical quest in “ye olden times” (featuring Dylan Moran as an ogre) to name but two moments. Add to that, Nick Helm’s catchy ditties about inappropriate things and you’ve got comedy gold.

 

1: No Offence – Series 2 (Channel 4)

The dream team of Viv, Joy and Dinah were back in action and there was the small matter of gang warfare on the streets of Manchester to contend with. It’s an explosive start and a gory ending. As for everything inbetween?  Well, it’s bonkers and all the more glorious for it.

No Offence continues to grope touchy issues and yet has a devilish sense of humour. The dialogue is like nothing else out there. It’s poetically quick-witted and rude (“that was a big fat wanking bomb”). It fires by at such a pace that if you’re a southerner like me you might need to put subtitles on.  The words aren’t the only thing that charge full throttle like Lewis Hamilton on speed. The whole pace is unrelenting and the twists are vast. Don’t be tweeting while you watch this or the plot will literally be lost.

Viv Deering has competition that threatens her authority but that just adds to her steel. Joanna Scanlan’s presence is a joy for every single second that she’s on screen. Speaking of Joy, she grows in confidence and even has a love interest but naturally that takes a sinister turn. The characters, even the smaller roles, are so well realised and believable and that is yet another reason why No Offence claims the top spot.

The mad ending of series one doesn’t play too big a role as it’s only passingly referred to but is Paul Abbott playing the long game on that one? Will the truth ever come out and will it destroy our favourite cop trinity? Series three is due later this year and things are set to get political. Whatever happens, it’ll get my vote.

 

Being Human: My Least Favourite Episodes

It’s no news to anyone that knows me that Being Human is my favourite TV show of all time. There has been no show that combines comedy, drama and a near constant impending sense of doom with such madcap bonkerishness (not an actual word). It is off the scale in terms of its balance between the mundane and the epic. From Marigolds to massacres, it is a small budget TV show with a heart bigger than a million Hollywood blockbusters. There’s not a day goes by where I don’t quote it. it’s just a natural thing for me, like putting the kettle on or going on Twitter. It’s instinctive, it is part of my being and I’m fine with that.

If you’ve never seen it, I will always encourage newcomers to watch and hopefully bulk up what is a very cult fanbase. As it turns out, Iplayer have put all five series back on this very week so there’s no excuse. It’s dialogue is electric, the best I’ve ever known and it might (WILL) break your heart. A few times over. Here’s the thing though, it’s not perfect and that’s the crux of what this blog post is all about really. When you love something so much you notice its flaws more and take them more to heart. It’s like a proper human relationship but without the fun of make up sex or spooning.

So it got me thinking: I should watch the episodes that, off the top of my head, I like the least. The ones which have aspects that I struggle most with and give them another chance on their own terms. Sure I could watch my favourites over and over again (Oh wait, I do) but that’s for another post. There’s no bad episode but I guess the one’s I’ve highlighted here have a key moments that jar or don’t sit right. Initially..

4.3: The Graveyard Shift

“Four hundred years. In dark rooms, libraries and cellars. Pouring over manuscripts, scrolls, books covered in mildew. Because you can’t Google this stuff, you know. I’ve got asthma. Actual asthma. Vampires don’t get asthma. And no one wanted to know about my work. They just laughed and ate another virgin.”

.. would have been on the list but I actually watched this a few weeks ago and there’s no way it should be there because it is the episode where Hal and Tom truly clicked as a screen force. Their collective awkwardness over NUTS magazine and the vain attempts at chatting up a human are pure comedy gold. There are so many wonderful lines. It is an hilarious episode that matches the funny and dark superbly and that is always when Being Human is at its best.

The underlining problems I had with this episode way back when was the overly cartoonish depiction of a goth girl and the weird comedy music that accompanied it. I’m over that now. I am. I’ve matured and everything. The only real faults lie in the last ten minutes. Being Human has never been overly great at action packed fight scenes (give me the improved stylistics of the Hal/Tom bar brawl in series five anyday) but the showdown with the vamps in Honolulu is messy and just plain odd. Worse follows with some truly strange editing when Michaela wakes as a vampire with baffling “comedy” faces and sound affects. It feels drawn from another show entirely. Then to complete a disappointing end to a great episode, Hal’s line about Ivan and Daisy rankles. Annie never met either of them and there’s no evidence that she had even heard of Ivan. But, alas, the preceeding fifty minutes are a thing of wonder so we’ll let it off. It also makes uber-cool use of Elbow’s ‘Grounds For Divorce’ and that is a very great thing indeed.

It must be noted that there is nothing from series one or two on this post and that’s not due to any pretentious “nothing will beat the original trio” mindset. I just think it’s natural that once you ring chances to a show (some were enforced) and when you try new things, there will be more hit and miss moments. It is to the credit of the show that the writers and producers never rested on their laurels and each series is very different. Actually, the high points of s3-5 out awesome the awesome highs of the first two. I can hear your disagreement from here.

So, strap yourselves in and prepare to be treated to barbaric geekery. Here are my least favourite episodes of my favourite ever show. Which will come out bottom once and for all? Or top of the least good. Ah, you know what I mean. Oooh the tension is..  bearable.

 

3.1: Lia

“No funny stuff here, you’ll have to go to Swansea for that..”

First and foremost, it’s a surprise to me more than anyone that a Toby penned episode is in this catagory. There’s not even to say this is a bad episode, actually in Being Human there’s no such thing as bad so we’ll go with ‘least good’. For some reason it just seems to be one of the ones I’ve watched the least of. That is still quite a lot by the way.

Thre’s an element of starting again as the trio move into a new house in a new town but the bantz is a strong as ever. The only place where things suffer are in Mitchell’s trip to purgatory. While placing him at the scenes of crimes is important as it sees his conscience struggle and makes the audience aware just how evil he is because just hearing about it can make fangirls block it out. However the process feels all too laboured, not helped by Lia being a little irritating.

So the main reason the episode doesn’t stand out from the crowd is maybe down to the chain of dubious events it sets up for the rest of series three. Ironic as it a run where the knock on effects of actions is a major theme. Mitchell’s rescue of Annie from hell is a big clunkbuster of a set up for them persuing intimate relations with eachother. I never felt the need for them to be a pairing and no matter how many times people have tried saying that it was foreshadowed in previous episodes it just wasn’t. Hence the clunky clunkbuster. Characters don’t have to be going out for us to care when there’s an inevitable disaster, not if the writing is good enough which it is here. As a result, M-Annie sees our favourite ghost turn into a lovesick puppy and Mitchell neglect his Alberto Balsam more than ever. Not only that but George and Nina take a huge backseat, their sole storyline away from Mitchell’s downfall being the pregnancy.

There are many great moments, the dialogue (DUH), the estate agent’s droll ways, dogging in the forest and of course we see Tom and McNair for the first time. As for Annie’s wonderful speech on returning.. first class. Who knew that pouring a cup of tea could be so emotional?

 

3.6: Daddy’s Ghoul

“What lies beneath the surface..”

My initial response to Daddy’s Ghoul was utter confusion as to why, after the magnificence of Herrick’s glorious return in The Longest Day, he fades into the background. His threat rendered almost impotent. With hindsight this isn’t actually true. Mitchell tries to bludgeon him with his own inferior blood and then finds himself centre of DC Nancy Reid’s attention re The Box Tunnel 20. it’s not long before ‘Uncle Billy’ soon has her blood on his mind. I now view Herrick’s more minor role as subtle suspense building and retract my views of 2011!

Can I state now just how much I like Nancy? At the time of the finale I was hoping she’d come back as either a ghost or a vampire and have more of a role in series 4, potentially as Mitchell’s replacement. Granted, the fanbase would find it very hard to accept the woman who was mostly responsible for his death. She’s mouthy, intelligent, cunning and sarcastic (“That really is a nice cup of tea. Seriously, I’ve shagged for less”). All hail Nancy Reid, a copper it’s ok to like. And fancy. Ahem.

The interchange between George and his dad is both sweet and funny, bond as they do over Strictly Come Dancing and Titanic and it’s only when they visit mummy Sands that things go awry. The punch and make up scene feels too soapy but most bizarre about the whole situation is that his parents, having just been reunited with their long lost, presumed dead son are soon swanning off to Cornwall without a care in the world despite the fact they   perceive George to be a mentally unstable fantasist. But it’s ok because he has a girlfriend who is also a mentally unstable fantasist too so is obviously in good hands. Is it played out as a final goodbye? Who knows. Ultimately it didn’t move George’s story on in any way. He didn’t get any kind of closure from meeting his parents and telling them. It sort of limped to an ending. Still, this is a much better episode than I’ve subconsciously thought and am happy to be proved wrong.

And now i want to do a blog on my fave guest characters because Nancy would definitely be in it. I can write too many things about this programme. Which is a worry.

 

4.4: A Spectre Calls

“I. DON’T. CARE. WHERE’S ME CHEERIOS?”

An episode can either sink or swim by its premise alone and A Spectre Calls has nearly too many holes to save its better moments. Alfie Kirby, a ghost who passed away due to ignorance of the Green Cross code he was supposedly an expert of, turns up on the doorstep. He has been sent from the afterlife to help with the baby, or so he says. In reality (and i use that word loosely), he has been sent by another force to kill baby Eve and thus save the planet. The basic concept is flawed from the off though. Kirby spends all episode gaining Annie’s trust and turning the house against each other in order to get closer to Eve but.. HELLOOOO!! He could just rentaghost to the kid, do his murderous work and be done. Early on he is even in the attic with Eve and let’s not forget he has her in his hands when he winds Hal up. Of course, it’s a drama and the machinations that build up to it are where the entertainment lies but when there’s no need for it, that’s where patience is tested.

Let’s overlook Kirby’s cartoonish (there’s that word again) style choices and accept that it is a brilliantly creepy performance by James Lance but the trouble is it’s TOO creepy from the minute we see him. The inhabitants of Honolulu must have taken stupid pills to first, let him in and second, not be more alert to his blatant manipulation. He was so obviously a wrong ‘un that there’s no suspense at play. Of course he wasn’t sent by Nina. Of course he was there to kill the baby.

There are great moments of course. Tom’s excitement, followed by anger as his housemates “ignore” his birthday brings out the much underrated line highlighted above. Always makes me laugh that one. The confrontation as Kirby tells Hal of all the murdered ladies (all the murdered ladies, eh eh oh eh eh oh) he’s met touches a raw nerve. Our Lord Harry is responsible for more women in heaven than there are racists at an EDL rally.

The scene where Kirby belittles Annie into fading towards seeming oblivion is one twist that was powerful and important in two senses: It stays true to the concept of a ghost fading as they lose their familiars (Mitchell, George, Nina) but on her return it also shows that the bond with her new housemates is now strong enough too. Speaking of which, after all the previous hints we get our first real glimpse of how strong Annie can be as she squishes the mass murdering weirdo into… somewhere. Who know where. Let’s just hope it involves a blender and his genitals in close proximity.

 

4.6: Puppy Love

“Hairy balls. LOL”

Slapstick is the order of the day here and for the most part it pays off to great effect. Allison (yes, two L’s) tracks down Tom (with a T) and so ensues his first dealings with love and heartbreak. It’s an important stepping stone in his transition from puppy to man and it’s lovely to watch two naive young adults navigate their hormones for the first time. My problem with Allison, other than the spelling is not in the performance but more in the blatant stereotyping of her image: Thick rimmed glasses, garish big jumper and satchel full of achievement badges. for the record, who these days boasts about a Blue Peter badge?

Emrys is a cracker of a grumpy character but then he has just been killed by Annie so fair enough on that count. From bad mouthing his ex wife, perving in the bathroom to getting locked in a cupboard. A moment so choreographed you could see Bruno Tonioli skipping across the screen and yet it still worked. In a act of heavy foreboding his parting gift is to teach Annie that there’ll have to be no more Mrs nice girl.

There is so much to love from Hal here too, egg rearranging, mop karaoke, awkward answerphone messages and inappropriate salsa dancing to name some. Then there was his awkwardness around a newcomer who would soon become a familair face and what a nice face it is. We meet ‘Aled’ for the first and despite the full on chat up lines in her first scene being a bit OTT, it was a great introduction that merely paced us slowly before we all fall in love with her the following week. I do wish she’d died in those denim shorts though. Gee, that sounded less creepy in my head.

Yet another new face appears in the form of the excellent Amanda Abbington as the cold, cynical Golda but sadly she is dispatched with before she can even confirm those Travelodge cancellations Her simpleton sidekick Kane is so slapstick it hurts. He brings some good lines as well as the cringe. I would try to find a Die Hard reference that would be apt but I can’t be arsed.

It’s an episode I always seem to enjoy more than I expect to and then I forget that I enjoyed it so much. Perhaps that’s just my old age.

 

5.2: Sticks And Rope

“Imagine having “Employee of the Month” written on your CV. Imagine having a CV”

Familiar in tone to A Spectre Calls, it has a ghost infiltrating Honolulu for nefarious reasons but this time in the form of a child named Oliver who claims to have been living there all along yet none of our trio think to question this daft statement. Alex gasps “Dead Victorian kids are so annoying” and she couldn’t be more spot on. They say never work with supernatural children or animals (something like that anyway) and this breaks one of those rules. Also, calling the episode Sticks And Rope, as well as Oliver stating early on that he was hiding from the very men who hold them, we hardly needed a leap in imagination to know where things were headed. It was as heavily signposted as the Kirby episode.

The premise here was to show the merging of the two worlds, hell and earth (perhaps it should have been called ‘Hell On earth’?) and this is most effective when the Captain turns full on evil like when he redesigns Honolulu in order to trap Alex and Oliver. Not forgetting of course, making Patsy bleed from her eyeballs as he mouths a gloriously nasty speech. However, If all Hatch needed for fuel was a werewolf and vampire at loggerheads in close proximatey then why did he never pick up on George and Mitchell fighting? He should have been having a field day during the cage fight in series three. There was enough hatred to blow the gates of hell wide open there and then. I know what your thinking, because Hatch hadn’t been written then but it’s something that is pretty glaring and needed explanation. We also got to see the evil morris dancers finally, something we never thought would happen, and it was a bit of a disapointment. Not just because they weren’t waving neckerchiefs but also because they could never live up to each of our own ideas on what they were. Some things are best left to the imagination. Like Nancy arresting me and giving me a cavity search. Erm, moving on..

Sadly Rook is hampered by being stuck with Crumb. Poor guy, must have done something wrong in a previous life. Much has been said about Crumb in the fandom and my views aren’t a secret. It felt like he was single-handedly trying to ruin the series. When it’s away from Hal and Tom’s workplace duel things don’t quite click and I still can’t put my finger on why. I remember saying in my review at the time that there was something about the humour and scarier moments (which aren’t very frightening) that didn’t quite hit their mark and I stand by that now.

“But Michael” I hear you scream, “What about the good points?!” I was getting to that don’t you worry..Alex really blossoms in her sole headline plot despite the limitations she has to work with and it was a nice touch to see her with her brothers both before and after her death. Also, the quite barmy idea that an employee of the month competition is being organised by Hatch to help open the gates of hell is to be praised for the sheer bare faced lunacy of it all. It gives us Tom and Hal at their bickering best. They trade insults with “git with a big weird face” being the standout and it soon escalates into a chaotic food fight. When it matters though, it is nice to see Hal sticking up for Tom when it really matters.

On another note entirely, it also made me say “what in the name of little baby cheeses” a lot in my everyday life even though I have no idea what it means.

 

5.4: The Greater Good

“All we’re doing is marking time until the inevitable happens”

There’s a saying that goes “too many cooks spoil the broth” and well.. Honolulu has three new inhabitants this time round and two of them are rubbish. Hal becomes life coach to Crumb and Alan but perhaps giving acting lessons would have been more appropriate. Crumbs gurns and wriggles his way through every scene he’s in, even ruining an otherwise funny montage sequence.

The Greater Good stands tallest with Tom emotionally maturing before our eyes. In a role reversal from Pie And Prejudice, he is now mentor to a werewolf – the wet behind the ears Bobby Grand Barry Speaking (his actual full name, probably). He takes Bobby under his hairy wings and teaches him all about the runnings of a supernaturally infested hotel. What on earth could possibly go wrong? The exchanges between the pair are genuinely sweet, funny and affecting and brought much needed sense to a very confused episode.

Rook finally keeps good acting company but very bad fictional company as he plays a game of cards with the devil. We’ve all been there haven’t we? The werewolf transformation, which by this stage had become a forgotten part of the Being Human set up returns as Bobby is released into the hotel but it simply looks like a man in a costume. Yes, I do know it’s EXACTLY a man in a costume but to have a werewolf just standing and walking around the hotel,  controlled by barked orders (barked, get it?) takes away the threat level that we’ve been taught about for five years. This danger is nullified further by Tom managing to, mid transformation, find his way from the woods, run through town and then trap Bobby away in a room. It just doesn’t sit right. Or perhaps everybody on Barry Island is excessively hairy and walks around naked all the time?

Another highlight is when Crumb dies. Yeah, I said it. I’m a kind person, empathetic even. I donate to charities, I’ve helped old ladies cross the road but I have my moments of weakness and I cheered when he carked it. Still to this day I do not understand his purpose. It was basically the Lauren / Mitchell story rehashed. People have said he was a mirror for Hal, to be his conscience but we know very well that good Hal has a conscience anyway and this leads us to another problematic issue – Hal’s “split personality”. As he’s tied up (not for the first or last time it must be noted) he shuts down and wakes up like an evil Synth. His panic making way for Bad Hal before he shuts down again and says “he was here wasn’t he?” By hinting that good Hal and Bad Hal are two separate entities it gives the audience more of an excuse to forgive him for his actions. Put simply, Hal has never separated the good/evil side in such a way before. He’s spent fifty five years fighting temptation but he’s always referred to himself in the first person. The manner in which this breakdown is shown suggests two personalities and if that’s how it was intended, seems too much of a cop out. Hey ho, at least my friend Su does a brilliant drunken impression of “bad breakdown Hal” so at least the scene gave us that.

 

And the winner..er.. I mean  loser is…

The Greater Good

 

What I’ve learnt:

Here’s the science bit, concentrate. I enjoyed watching these. That’s it. So my lesson to you all is this – If ever you decide that writing a blog of your least favourite episodes from your favourite ever TV show would be a different and unique take on things… don’t do it. So if you’ve read this, you’ve wasted your time. Sorry about that. Even while being hyper critical this has somehow still ended up as a love letter. Being Human is awesome. The show that is. Being a real life human is… complicated. Stick with fiction, guys. That reminds me, I need to write some fanfic where Nancy recruits me sexily and we go on a murderous rampage and kill twenty people in Legoland. The Brick Tunnel 20 I’ll call it. .

 

TV Review: Thirteen, Episode 5 (BBC3)

If you go down to Cabot Circus today you’ll be sure of a big surprise and it’s not that Next have an up to 50% sale on. The scene is set for the most action packed minutes of what has been a steadily paced series. Ivy, in a bid to save Phoebe Tarl has been summoned to meet her kidnapper in this most public of places. The police are hiding in the shadows keeping a watchful eye on events, well maybe watchful isn’t the word as she gets lost in the crowds before our villain of the peace shows up in a photobooth with Phoebe on his lap. He whispers something into Ivy’s ear, presumably that he will set the girl free if she goes with him and this is where shit gets real. He removes her earpiece, puts Phoebe into a lift and takes off with Ivy. It’s an intersting juxtaposition to the CCTV footage we had at another shopping centre earlier in the series, this time Ivy is reluctant and internally fighting rather than emotionally attached to him. They flee in a van with, as chances would have it, only Elliott and Lisa is the way. Mark White puts his foot to the peddle and DC Carne puts his on the brake in the middle of the road, a one car roadblock. Our favourite incompetent officers are flipped over in the collison and White speeds free. It’s a heart skipping opening that almost feels lifted from another kind of show but it works brilliantly all the same.

In White’s new home a fascinating exchange of mind control versus maniplulation takes place. Ivy thinking on her feet, her freedom having given her some confidence convinces him she didn’t escape, that she went to look for him and the police chanced upon her. She also gets him to free her from her ropes. It’s great that White wasn’t played as typical madman or butch alpha male, he is a standard looking guy with Russell Howard’s accent but not his lazy eye. He is quietly spoken and not at all physically imposing but the threat is always bubbling under the calm exterior. The tension becomes almost unbearable as events turn darker. There’s an attempted murder, a head smashed against a wall and arson to finish things off. Not forgetting the creepy need to dress Ivy up in a granny dress. Does he have some sort of mummy issues? In a poetic shot she flees the house seconds before it explodes and the emergency services show up with the Moxam family in a moment of perfect synchronicity. A soulful version of Royal Blood’s ‘Out Of The Black’ kicks in and the emotion flows. She has burnt her bridges and left a rather scolded Mark White in the rubble.

Elliott and Lisa spend most of the episode led on thier backs – and not in a fun way. Following the accident they are hospitalised but Carne, ever the stubborn mule limps out and back into work. As usual with this programme there are severe questions that need to be asked of the police. Why didn’t they put a tracker on Ivy just in case? White didn’t check for one and how on Earth did their target elude them when they supposedly had the building surrounded? Quite frankly all the police on this case need to be put on gardening leave with immediate effect. These can be overlooked because it is a drama and if everybody did their jobs properly there’d be no fun in that. Elliott did finally come good when he noticed that what looked like a badly drawn  picture of a ladder was actually a local landmark tower, resulting in the discovery of Mark’s whereabouts. Not that it mattered in the end as he was already charcoal by then.

The real downfall of this series finale is the avalanche of unanswered questions it leaves in its wake. Never should a TV show give you everything on a plate but keeping a lot of the ingredients locked in the cupboard after all the intricate build up is a travesty. While it’s true the story we’ve been told until now has been removed from Ivy’s perspective, there is a slight flip reverse as soon as she enters White’s home. For the first time we see their relationship from her viewpoint and what follows is a wasted opportunity to provide answers. We do learn two things: That Ivy was pregnant but lost the baby and that for the last year of her captivity White allowed her more freedom, even creating a “homely” bedroom for her. However too many pieces of the puzzle are lost – what happened for the first twelve years? There is no backstory at all. Why did he choose Ivy? What was all that stuff about him working at the school for? Why the pseudonyms Alison and Leonard? Most importantly, there is no hint of any motive. Writer Marnie Dickens has stated that putting the villain to the foreground takes away from the victim’s story. Surely even some hint of answers in the finale would not be putting him centre. Ivy’s story feels somewhat diminished by the lack of any hard facts. Even now we don’t really know what she went through or why and this lack of information is what takes away from her tale. Nothing else.

And so to the supporting characters, who added to a web of intrigue finely spun, only to be sucked into the hoover of script confusion (there is no such thing as a hoover of script confusion).

• Mr Headmaster man’s relevance faded more and more each week. So much so that he didn’t even turn up here.  Did it matter that White worked at his school in the end? Nope. He was a bit part player in the reunion of Christina and Angus at most.
• Tim. Oh, Timmy Tim Tim. He had so much to say to Ivy and ended up saying nothing. Which is a fitting statement for the minor cast in general. Did he realise he wasn’t in love with Ivy? Who knows? Do we care? Still, he and Yazz are all good again so you could say the only way is up from here. Yes, second week in a row for that joke and not even sorry.
• All Craig’s hints of control issues just came to nothing as he briefly showed up to reunite with Emma and all was forgotten Literally.
• Eliose proved perfunctory TO EVERYTHING.
• At least Elliott and Lisa look set to be together, once she’s forgiven him for nearly putting her in a coma and/or nearly giving her brain damage. It’s difficulties like these all strong relationships need to get through.

Harsh maybe, but it’s also a compliment that the build up was so finely worked that it in terms of arc it fell at the final hurdle. That should not take away from an exceptional portrayal by Jodie Comer throughout and she was backed by a strong cast too. Thirteen has proved intriguing , suspenseful, thrilling and a little bit frustrating in the same way someone you care about has annoying quirks but you forgive them all the same.  As a series conclusion it is deeply unsatisfying but as an hour of television this was drama played with maximum tension and plenty of class. 8/10

 

The Longest Day: It’s A Long Way To Pontypantyfilth. (Being Human Filming, Oct 12th 2012)

With heavy hearts and weary heads we made for Cardiff Bay for our last ever day of Being Human filming. To be fair, the weary heads were due to alcohol and I was surprisingly upbeat on an hours sleep. The filming was taking place on Bute Street at ‘The Old Natwest Building’. Now, when it comes to explaining today it must be noted that there’s some things I can’t talk about. Let’s leave it at that. There have been little bits I’ve decided to leave out of previous posts but it’d be especially wise to leave details out of this one. I know what you’re thinking. Su, Becca and Laura fought a bloody battle to the death and the victor claimed Damien for their own? I’ll leave it down to your imagination. What happens on BH field trips stays on BH field trips. And Twitter. And Facebook. And…

So, where was I? Ah yes, Cardiff Bay. It was a clear blue day and unsurprisingly flipping cold. All the trucks and crew were outside and immediately we knew that it was all indoors again. We stuck at it for a little while but soon our hangovers were catching up with us so went further up the road to a cafe for breakfast because bacon and tea solves everything. Not long after returning to filming Michael Socha turned up but not as Tom though. He was out and about with his girlfriend and very newly born baby in pram. To be clear, his girlfriend wasn’t in the pram. They came over to say hi (the baby said nothing which was rude) and Su engaged Michael’s girlfriend in a detailed discussion on the pros and cons of breast feeding, all the girls cooed over mini Socha and well, I didn’t. Sorry. Anyway off they went and we were outside until the lunch break which was a long time. Jay insulted us some more, Su sang A LOT, we got colder and Polly the runner gave us biscuits. I liked Polly. Once the scene was done out came Mr Rook himself, Steven Robertson and a new Being Human face in Ricky Grover who was wearing this ludicrous tight jumper exposing his belly. Turns out they were shooting the opening scene of episode four set in the basement of the Archives. Off they went in their cars, off we went to have some lunch on the bay because we can only go so long without eating EVEN MORE food. A bit of a nothingness morning all in all. Well, apart from the bit I can’t mention.

The afternoons destination was to be another bit of the archives. The actual archives bit. And what better place to film archives than in an archive? Exactly. The Glamorgan Archives to be precise so we got a taxi out there. The building is directly opposite Cardiff City’s stadium, the imaginatively titled ‘Cardiff City Stadium’. We perched ourselves on some steps and in usual fashion waited (usual fashion means laughing a lot at pointless things). Phil Davies appeared in the suit talking to a member of crew and pointed at us, probably asking if it was ok to come and say hello and he wandered over and did just that. It’s strange because our perception of him was that he was going to be stand offish but he was more than happy to talk to us and have photos taken while waving his walking stick proudly. He told us that Hatch gains strength as the series goes on and we were rather excited by this spoiler. He went back inside and we tried to evaluate what he’d said and then we had a collective “Ooooooh” moment when we realised that the ‘He Will Rise’ tease post series 4 was about Captain Hatch. We got looks for that.

Steven Robertson appeared and everyone waved at him, he waved back as all the girls (not me) shouted repeatedly “We love you Steven!!” while beckoning him over. I swear to God he was going red. The brave man approached us and none of us were expecting THAT accent! He was a total gentleman and as he left to go back inside I suddenly wanted to shout “I love you too Steven!”. They were filming the scene in episode 6 where Hatch confronts Rook in the archives.

We’d been in contact with third AD Ryan through twitter as we had a card for him but he had been office bound for a couple of days. He said he’d try to make it over to us and he did make an appearance. Su handed him the card and said something nice but the moment was ruined as a bird shat on her head at exactly the same time! Perhaps offended we didn’t get it one. Once the Rook/Hatch scene was shot Phil left and it wasn’t long before Damien and Kate appeared. Damien was looking very pale, either a rough night like us or he was in desperate need of blood. Not like us. Well ok, Hal was in need of blood. Steven was still about so was Hal going to Rook for some blood? Likely. Soon our gang was down to just myself and Su. Inside the “How’d you like those canines in your jugular” scene in episode five was being done. Myself and Su decided to leave because we had to be somewhere else that evening. Where that somewhere else was I couldn’t tell you, how we got there I could tell you even less. We were going to a local charity event. In a school hall about thirty miles north of Cardiff. Why?….

Jerry, the head of security had organised for Damien, Kate and Michael to attend for reasons I’m still not sure of, we can only assume the village is where Gerry lives. I had and still have no idea where the village is or what it was called so I made up a name. We were at Pontypantyfilth. It took a while to find the right place (understatement, just ask Su) and we were beginning to think this was one big wind up by the crew. It was pissing down, dark and we were lost. Eventually we did find it and Kath and her friend Monique were already inside. We collected the tickets (“Oh, you’re the Being Human people”) and were given a free drink on entry. There were tables with nibbles on and a choir played. And a country band. It was a little surreal but we saw this…

Which is the kind of thing we’d been hoping for. The first few auctions were things like ‘Mrs Maple will walk your dogs for a week” or “Two free cake decoration classes” and this went on for quite a while until it was time for the biggy, the reason we were here – a day on the set of Being Human. We knew that after Monday, the last two weeks of shooting would be inside the Honolulu Heights studio so this could be epic. In truth, I wasn’t expecting to bid because I thought more people would and the summer’s travelling had left me a little skint. However, nobody else but our table in there was a fan of the show and when the bidding was going on, they were looking at our table as Su raised her hand and all they were doing was attempting to put Su’s price up a little! It became apparent we were going to get it cheap and as soon as Su was getting worried about the price I said I’d pay half and we got it for £30 each. We were going to Honolulu!! We were positively giddy.

We could see Michael Socha and Kate Bracken hanging about outside and for a few minutes there was no sign of Damien. I think it’s fair too say that Su was concerned by the lack of Damo sighting but thankfully for the safety of all of us, he appeared and all was calm again! Jerry introduced them into the hall and there was applause and they sat at a table to await their public. It was all very surreal. Jerry came over to us to ask if we’d go up first so other people would then go. I approached them and the first thing I could think to say while pointing out the photos on their table was “ who are these rather good looking people?” Yes, you are right to *facepalm*. We had to pay a fiver for a photo and an autograph and while I’m not really bothered by autographs, if I’m paying money then I’m blimmin’ well having one. They all wrote lovely things to us and we had our photos taken by a very confused man. Thanks to the auction, what was supposed to be our last day of filming was now our penultimate. We knew the trinity would be filming on Cardiff’s main streets (apocalypse scenes, episode 6) just 24 hours later – typically right where we’d been based all week . Sadly none of us would be around for those epic moments bar Kath who is local. Off we went into the night, rather happy at the most productive of unproductive days and with a place for Pontypantyfilth forever in our hearts.

* It’s also worth noting that when we left the Glamorgan archives Jay the security guard was genuinley nice to us by shaking our hands and sincerely wishing us all the best. He was sooo going to miss us.

Deleted, Undeleted & Extra Scenes – Being Human Filming (October 11th 2012)

There was a location sign right outside my hotel and for some reason I nominated to get up fairly early and follow them so we didn’t waste any of the day. Slight problem, it was pissing it down with rain but my commitment to the Being Human cause was too strong. I found the crew setting up at Tiger Tiger club where they have filmed before and with hindsight it was quite likely it was going to be there. Gradually we started to round up the troops. The weather was drizzly so en route to filming I purchased my first EVER umbrella. Yes, I survived my first 32 years without an umbrella but with the prospect of filming being inside this was the day for such a historic moment.

They were filming inside Kuku which was opposite Tiger Tiger on a pretty busy road so a couple of approached the building by first going to the bus stop and joking with runner Pete that we were waiting and what a coincidence it was that they were there. In time we all perched ourselves against the building. God knows what we all looked like. Not much to report really: Su joined us after taking a tour of all Cardiff’s parking spaces and Jay the security guard questioned me on my masturbatory habits. The usual. Soon, a large amount of annoyingly beautiful and skinny extras turned up and went inside and we decided that we would go to the pub directly opposite and watch the ‘action’ from there (quite why it took us this long for this revelation to hit?). Of course, we had no idea who was filming inside but when Dorina thought she saw Damien come out she got up from her chair in slow motion and shouted “IIIT’s DAMIIIIIIIEEEN!!!” and just before running out the realisation hit. It wasn’t. It was just a bloke. Who looked nothing at all like Damien. And had a beard. Su and I couldn’t stop laughing for must have been half an hour. It’s the little things. We went back out when it looked like the crew were packing things up. Kate Bracken turned up and was once again out of Alex’ standard gear again. She was as lovely as ever to us. Turns out she’d just been shopping and she teased us with the bags she was holding, stroking them and said “I can’t tell you what’s in here”. She went off to have lunch and out of the door a few yards away walked Colin Hoult and Hamza Jeetooa. We didn’t say hello and I’m sure they’re lovely blokes but Crumb and Alan turned out to be the two worst characters in Being Human history in my book. The scene they were filming was eventually a deleted extra and it’s totally understandable why. We gleaned from one of the crew that after lunch they were ‘moving down the road’ so we went back to our pub and had lunch.

We soon located them to the Park House restaurant and came to the realisation that it was all inside again. The weather was still drizzly so Becca and Jo decided to go to the nearby cocktail bar but myself, Su, Dorina and Laura decided to find out what was going on. While waiting Jay was insistent that Damien & Michael had been filming exterior shots in Barry in the morning but as usual we never knew if he was telling the truth. I tried a one man campaign for him to join twitter. He refused. In the distance we could see Michael Socha approaching and he stopped to chat with us. We noticed the shirt he was wearing was the same as the one in ‘Making History’ and in a moment that appealed to our geekiness he replied quoting Tom “Splashed out didn’t I? Went to the cancer research shop”. We had a present for him, or rather Becca did but she was away supping cocktails so we rang her to get her arse over to us. And she did, in the most slow motion meeting between man and Were-teddy ever known, Becca trundled over being sarcastically beckoned by Socha himself. It was the heels she was wearing ok? Yes, the Were-teddy for his newborn baby for which Michael seemed genuinely happy and thanked us all. He went inside and soon after a crowd of posh extras turned up along with Kathryn Prescott. Tom was clearly on some kind of date. Aaaw. This scene made episode five.

Soon, assistant director Lloyd Elis came out with the present and disappeared around the corner, a few seconds later he reappeared without it joking that he’d put it in a bin. In fact it’d been put in a car and driven back to their Cardiff base. So if you ever complain about BBC budgets it might be worth noting they give fluffy toys first class service by escorting them individually. It was probably dropped of at it’s own personal trailer. Between takes Socha came outside for his fag, well slightly outside. It was still raining so he stayed under a shelter while we played some weird game of hand gestures with him. Some of them were probably rude.

Damien and Kate turned up and other than a quick “hi” dashed in as the rain was torrential now so we made for the nearby bar and proceeded to try as many varieties of cocktails in a short amount of time as possible.

We planned to go back to filming just before seven as that would likely be the time they finished up, hoping to get some info on tomorrow’s filming. Only when we got back something completely alien had happened. There were OTHER people outside who were hanging around filming. This was a first. Throughout filming it had always just been us bloggers! In the afternoon a few people had asked what was filming and we told them because no one had really heard of it but obviously being in the city centre it got more noticed. Kate, again not in ghost gear was wearing a jacket. Dorina handed Damien our card, he told us they’d be at ‘The Archives’ tomorrow and we must come along to see it. He also thanked us for staying out in the rain but we admitted we went to a bar and had already started the night’s drinking. He said he could smell the alcohol… and before he was about to insult some women, he pointed at me and said something along the lines of “it’s you isn’t it, such an alcoholic”. And in turn getting me back for calling him a lightweight earlier in the week. That was me told.

Oh, by the way, they were filming the extra scene for the dvd extra. The one that explained what happened in episode six. The one we really didn’t need. But we won’t talk about that. The rest of the night contained food and much more drink at our ‘local’ The Old Arcade where Louise was nearly kidnapped by loads of Scottish men. I think she was fine with that arrangement. Tomorrow would be the last day of blogger stalking.. *sad face*

The day we broke into a caravan park and got some tea as a reward (Being Human filming, October 10th 2012)

We knew very little about the filming taking place. All we knew was it was probably on a caravan site. Maybe. Remarkably our knowledge of the caravan sites of South Wales was non existent so we used our Cumbatchian detective skills and gambled on somewhere between Cardiff and Barry and decided to take a bus that took the coastal route. Myself, Dorina, Becca and a Were-teddy (don’t ask) had to keep a sharp eye out for location signs. To quote a certain other show “DON’T EVEN BLINK” and thankfully we didn’t. We saw one seemingly in the middle of nowhere, pressed the button and went on the hunt. We had been teasing 3^rd AD Ryan on twitter that we were hunting them down and he was insistent we would never find them. We followed that first sign down a country lane and it was quite a walk until we saw another. We found a caravan park and crept our way nervously in and quickly we were with the crew. Ryan was amazed to say the least and waggled his fingers at us. He did that a lot this day.

In the distance was Phil Davis who was once again dressed in THAT suit, causing us to speculate again. We liked speculating. We figured it was something to do with Alex’s holiday with the family so it must be a flashback. But why would Captain Hatch be there? Did he know Alex before? Is it in real time and is he meeting a newly human Alex? To our surprise Phil came up to us for a chat and called us “committed” – or was it “you should be committed?” Either way, both are probably true. His car turned up and off he went. Not long after, we saw Kate Bracken walking in our direction beaming a smile at us. She was not dressed in typical Alex gear. It’s fair to say she was surprised to see us and probably didn’t want to be seen by too many people in a dressing gown but she had a chat with us anyway. They then shot quite a few takes of a scene that was being filmed in a caravan.. well.. when in a caravan park do as caraveners do, right?

We were essentially perched against a wall awkwardly in silence during the takes. Out of the caravan came a tall man who we spent about five minutes trying to work out who the heck it was. It was Gordon Kennedy. Clearly Alex’s dad!!!! Kate and Gordon were hanging about for a bit and then went back in. Poppy, one of the runners said we could help ourselves to some tea and biscuits (it was a sunny day but pretty cold) in order to do this we had to move a lot closer, right to the head of the caravan so we just hung round hoping no one could tell us we were in the way and surprisingly no one did. Ryan, perched on a hammock questioned us on us on how we found the place and was coming up with elaborate theories but we would never give away our secrets. Gordon Kennedy looked at us with suspicion as  he was being made up (we’d grown pretty used to that look) but he gave us a friendly wave.

We could hear things being said in the caravan but couldn’t really make it out. Alex was clearly crying and the only line that I got was “I know it’s strange”, Turns out it was “I feel so strange” There were a lot of takes of Gordon walking out of the caravan. To me, this seemed like they were having an argument but when shown in episode 6 this was clearly not the case.

We decided that once lunch was called we’d call it a day, mainly because we were right in with the crew and didn’t want to get in the way or be an annoyance. I had a task to do before we left. Before the week started we thought we’d do up some cards as a thank you. I made ones for Kate & Damien, Su for Ryan and Becca made one for Michael. So as Kate left I had to, hopefully hiding my embarrassment and awkwardness give her the card. Thankfully she seemed genuinely pleased and we all got a Bracken hug. You can never complain about a Bracken hug, dressing gown or not. She asked if we were sticking around and we explained that we thought we were a bit in the way. And off we went after just four hours of filming. Lightweights. It was a surprise to see as I was scrolling through the twitter later that afternoon that Kate had tweeted a pic of the card with a thank you message. So, for a nice change we had the rest of the afternoon and evening free and spent it in the traditional field trip manner: Eating, drinking and talking shite. Not necessarily in that order.

The day I did more work than Phil Davis: Being Human Filming (October 9th 2012)

Barry Island was on red alert. This was the start of a week when not just two or three bloggers would invade but a few. The Heddlu were primed for a bunch of people suspiciously hanging around South Wales and giggling like tits. I’d booked Tuesday to Friday off work and didn’t want to waste any of the first day. I always question my sanity when I book a Megabus journey let alone one that departed at two o’clock on the morning. This meant an early night and I’m not good at early nights at the best of times especially when it became apparent on twitter that a night shoot outside Honolulu Heights was happening, Damn, really should have booked the Monday off too. Never mind, there was four days of prime location hunting ahead. A bus, a walk through an eerily deserted Bristol and a train later I got into Cardiff just in time for a Wetherspoon to open. Handy that. I waited there while everyone else awoke from their slumber.

Jo, Becca, Annie and two American visitors – Fleem and Sunny FLA (you think I’m committed?!) went for an early morning caffeine boos but Becca and myself where impatient to get to Barry (has anyone ever been impatient to go to Barry before?) so we made our way down. First stop: A quick check at Honolulu just in case they were doing any leftover daytime shots but nothing was going on so off we went to the ‘Island’ and there were things going on. Two lots of things. Two lots of film crews to be precise which was a bit confusing. We walked between the two and once we got closer it was apparent that it wasn’t for Being Human. There was loads and loads of people and they were filming something on the beach.. Turns out it was Casualty. Or Holby city. One of them anyway. On returning to the smaller crew I found my main man – Jay the security guard!! And then there was a certain Ryan Drawbridge who greeted us with grin and a “finally found us then!”. He confirmed that they were outside the house the previous night and that they’d finished for the series at that location. They were filming down an alleyway so we couldn’t see what was going on. (This scene was the deleted scene between Rook and Natasha). At a time between takes we walked over a bridge which looked down the alleyway and saw Stephen Robertson. A crew member said something about moving around the corner so Becca and myself took this literally and thought they were going to the beach around the cove (there was rumour of filming happening there a previous day but that was probably for ‘Holbualty’). It was a grey, cold day and while it was a nice beach, just not the day for it. So one wasted walk later we came back and found they’d moved just 20 yards further up.

The director Daniel O’ Hara was running through with Kathryn Prescott how they’d do the next scene. There was also a tall scary man and a lady with a pram who seemed part of proceedings. If not they were certainly very interested locals. We made ourselves comfortable on a bench (yes, walls were a thing of the past, we’d been upgraded). Right next to a wall and five yards to our right they filmed a head on shot of Kathryn jumping over it to avoid pram lady and being chased.

 < Pram lady

This was done a few times and soon we were moved to a bench WITH A TABLE! This was truly the high life now. So from where the Barry Grand Hotel is supposed to be we watched them filming the same thing from a more sideways angle and then they ran through what I shall technically refer to as the “kicking tall scary man in the bollocks” bit. Kathryn had a mat initially to land on and her and the tall scary man ran through how they were going to do it. The guy really was taking her legs away and once the mat was gone she was hitting the ground pretty hard.

Kathryn Prescott diving down. Make your own Skins related lesbian joke.

When some of the extras approached the newly in agony tall scary man we were a bit confused as to why he was being comforted considering he’d just been attacking a girl. I still am to be honest. This was shot many times including much debate between Ryan and Daniel over getting distance right in the chasing so it matched up to one streamlined shot. Michael Socha turned up with some take out food and watched for a bit.

Before they were about to shoot more, the director spoke to Ryan and pointed in our direction. My initial thought was that he was saying “can they piss off please?” but Ryan strode up to us “do you want to be in it again?!” A few jokes about hopefully not wearing the same clothes and some signing of paperwork and we were sent into the distance to do some walking. Promoted again – from sitting at a picnic to actually walking. Next stop – BAFTAS. The choice that Becca and myself had to make was who would be nearer the camera. I volunteered Becca as a sense of “I’ve only had 30 minutes sleep and look more shit than normal” vanity had crept in. As if mattered, we would be a moving blot in the distance. So we walked. From A-B, from B-C and variations of. The rain was starting to come down now, but it was always a bit of a sad thrill every time Daniel O’ Hara said ‘ACTION!’ We couldn’t look over during the takes so had to look straight ahead and instead of Being Human filming we could see ‘Casualty City’ filming in the distance instead. At one stage Becca did genuinely point at planes and you can’t get more Being Human than that.

Socha turned up again and was still in his Barry Grand gear and gleefully kicking a football around between takes and we weren’t sure why he was there until we saw the finished product on TV in episode 5. Beware, Catherine Churcher to have your “mind blown”. The shot with Tom and Hatch talking about the occult was shot outside the actual Hotel some other day. The shot of Tom watching Natasha run into the hotel and telling the tall scary man (registered trademark) to go away was filmed this day. We just couldn’t see this bit as we had to look ahead. All in all the scene took about 3 hours to shoot and lunch was called. Somebody offered us food and drinks thinking we were part of the team. Worrying. As we went for something to eat (out of our own money!) a hotel was starting to be constructed. We got back and it was all done. Are you ready?

By now Dorina had joined us and we hung around the.. well, doorway. Firstly a new woman who was dressed in the by now familiar hotel uniform turned up and went behind the door. There wwa a few takes of her screaming and crying. In my mind, or rather hope, this was the moment Hal committed a massacre in the hotel. Turns out this bit was on the DVD as a deleted scene including when it cut to her and Phil in the hotel with the drawing pins. Sounds like a game of Cluedo in a way. It was the Devil. In the hallway. With the drawing pins. And yes Catherine, that bit of the deleted scene was not filmed on this day. MIND BLOWN.

Soon Phil Davis got out of a car intriguingly holding a walking stick and dressed in a dapper suit and hat, a complete contrast to how I’d seen him previously. We already knew from a vague series 5 memo that Hatch was wheelchair bound and this man clearly was not in a wheelchair. He saw us all stood there like lemons and did a little pose clearly happy to have photos taken.

By now I hope that the crew were trusting us not to blab on the internet about what we’d seen, and we didn’t and never would have due to a massive respect for the show and those who make it. Unknown to us at the time what followed was part of one of, in my opinion, the greatest run of scenes in the shows history – the start of episode six. It was pretty unspectacular to watch if I’m honest. With the camera behind the construction as Phil Davis walked from the hotel into the distance with Ryan and Pete trying to get seagulls out of shot before each take! The Hatch walk, the moment HE WILL RISE came to fruition, was done three or four times and off he went back into his car and down quickly went the hotel entrance as well. So yes, Becca and myself walked many more yards, spent more hours and got more soaked than Phil Davis. BAFTA I tell thee.

That seemed to be it, we thought it was all done for the day until we heard from someone’s radio the words ‘Kate and Damien’. We were thinking “really?” and looked at each other in hope. By now the rain was kicking in a little worse than before but sure enough a car rolled up and there they were. A bonus to an already good if not cold day. They went straight under the bandstand and rehearsed the scene a few times.

They then made a brisk walk inside the building that actually isn’t a fictional hotel with fleeting rain drenched hellos as they did so. Soon it was just myself, Becca and Dorina left watching. The scene that followed was EPIC. Yes, capital EPIC. I wrote in my phone certain lines we heard and as it was filmed from different angles I had many chances to. We heard virtually every word. Lines like

– ” I’m sorry. I wanted to fix things” (What things?!)

–  “You know why it’s over? Because you didn’t ask for help” (AAAARGHHH)

– “You swore to Tom on our friendship” (NOOOOOO!!)

– “X Ray vision veins? (Huh?)

– “Suckle at the thigh of your best friends girl” (Eh?! Hang on, Tom has a girlfriend?)

– “If I ever see you again I’ll stake you” (OOOF)

– And the moment(s) that Alex flinches when Hal goes to touch her.

Hal, cowering and remourseful. Alex hurt and angry. It was a real joy to watch a scene where they were really flexing their acting muscles. Lloyd Elis, the assistant director called over to us politely making sure we didn’t use flash on our cameras but to be honest the weather was so grim we’d given up taking pictures. Example:

It was getting darker and the weather worse still so with permission we took refuge under the crews ‘marquee’ and Michael joined us under it to watch the last ten or so minutes of filming for the day – fag in hand of course.

After a total of about three hours on this scene it was wrapped up. Michael said goodbye and Damien came over to say hello and goodbye, Dorina said the most. He was wearing a long jacket and on the inside he had a hot water bottle so I just called him a lightweight! Sometimes I don’t think before I speak but fair play, he got me back a couple of days later. He then spoke of an audition he was going to and that he’d be back on Thursday. We wished him luck and left Barry extremely cold and damp. We at no time expected or demanded cast or crew to interact with us but most of the time they did. It was more a concern on our part that we were in the way but the impression given by all those we spoke to throughout was that they were happy to entertain our madness.   I wasn’t particularly tired but I did turn down the chance of a night of food and drink in Cardiff in favour of an early night which is most unlike me but I had to sleep through a mix of a lack if it and not knowing what the next few days filming held in store. I’d be a zombie otherwise and that would’ve been a totally different show. A badly acted, shoddily written American show.

Next stop: A caravan park.

A Not Very (Barry) Grand Story: Being Human Filming (Thursday 27th September 2012).

WARNING: This post contains literally no events of any worth.

After a break of four weeks brought on by decreasing funds and a contract at work that meant I actually had to spend some hours there, myself and Su decided to try for more filming. The end of block 1 and some of the start of block 2 were mostly studio bound meaning that real life had returned. I was actually being human and without the supernatural nonsense. Su had already visited the hotel and when I say visited I mean hung around outside but she had been lucky enough to see the series 5 promo shots being taken when she went.

For those who don’t want the their illusion of TV to be broken then look away… now! The Barry Grand Hotel isn’t in Barry, it isn’t very grand but it did used to be a hotel. The Maerdy hotel to be precise. It also isn’t near the sea. It’s next to a main road that runs through Pencoed near Bridgend. Once we arrived things were looking promising. Straight away we saw Stephen Robertson outside who was chatting to a member of the crew but we didn’t say hello and made ourselves ‘comfortable’ on the wall. Not long after we caught a glimpse of the Devil himself Phil Davis go in with his rotten old cardigan. Ryan the 3^rd AD came out and was friendly as ever. Su asked if Damien was about. He wasn’t but Su was actually very chilled with this information. I was so proud of her(!). He said that everything was inside today so she handed him a card from the Damien Molony Forum to pass on (to clarify, I am not a member!) and we shrugged off the potential of a wasted day and lived in blind optimism.

  < My stump o’plenty

After a while Michael came out dressed in his posh hotel gear. We chatted as he had a fag, in his hands he had the script. He was talking about being a dad any time soon and that he’d bugger off if she went into labour. We read his ‘ASS MAN’ badge but Su said it again, this time with a more intense look on her face, staring and pointing at him and saying ‘ASS MAN!!!” quite loudly. It wasn’t until he went back in that she twigged. I was in hysterics. That was pretty much it for the day. Exciting huh? We did get hopeful of outside filming when they started playing with lights but it turned out they were just facing them inside. The scene that was being filmed was the Tom/Alex/Natasha scene in episode 5 where Tom has “feelings”. Kate appeared outside but there was only time for a hello and the basics, she was too busy for more

   < A certain blood stained top. Look! 

We severely misjudged the lunch situation. Yes, you can sense the drama about to kick off now can’t you? A lot of the crew were gathering where Hatch’s bedroom was so we thought they were about to break and we didn’t want to hang around while they were eating because that’d be a bit odd.. Even by our standards. Off we went to a shop (you gotta keep things exciting) but when we got back.. guess what? They started having their lunch on the tables outside and we were like ‘AWKWARD’. Michael left, presumably because he’d finished for the day and not because his partner had gone into labour. We went for a walk around the wonderful sights of Pencoed. There are no wonderful sights of Pencoed so the time was made up of laughing at road names.

Once back, a few passers by enquired as to what was being filmed in the hope that ‘Barry Grand Hotel’ meant the return of Gavin & Stacey. As I grew accustomed to on these filming trips, when you tell people it’s for Being Human you generally get a blank look and a ‘never heard of it’. There was an old man in a scooter who had clearly become a favourite with the crew as he scuttled past on the road waving to them and they gleefully waved back as he went further into the middle of the road and closer to death. On his return he engaged us in a deep and meaningful conversation. About shoes. Much as I love talking about shoes, the Bracken had appeared again but I was too polite to say “sod off old man, Kate’s here”. I nearly wasn’t. Next they may also have been filming Alex confronting Hatch at the end of episode 5 when Kate was at a window upstairs and waved down to us but I’m not sure about that one. Not that I’m a geek and would like to know or anything.

Not long after the Bracken said her goodbyes while looking frickin’ gorgeous out of ghost uniform (not OUT OUT of uniform in that way) but we did have a great chat with the brilliant driver Issy who I first met at Tredegar. To be honest he may not be a brilliant driver, I’ve never been in a car with him but he is a brilliant bloke, funny and always happy. We tried to get some future filming information from him without success. Jerry, head of a casting agency was amazed at us for travelling so far and gave us his card mainly because he obviously thought we were beautiful enough for telly.

The afternoon was spent filming the episode four Rook/Hatch card game. It was all VERY indoors as Ryan warned. By 5PM it was getting really cold and we decided to call it a day. There was only so times we could put ‘innit’ at the end of sentences, develop feelings for a tree and sway to the music of Richard Wells before you go a little mad. That was that. We essentially stared at a fictional hotel for about six hours. Jealous aren’t you?

BEING HUMAN 5.1 ‘THE TRINITY’ REVIEW

ALL HAIL THE NEW TRINITY

So, for the first time we have an all new trinity and to pay them all the biggest compliment – it didn’t feel weird that they were still at Honolulu Heights and Annie wasn’t around. Where series 4 thrived off the resident ghost not fitting in with her new housemates this all felt so natural. The dialogue standing out with hilarious one liners and the main cast complimenting (most of the time not literally) each other perfectly. Damien got to let loose with his dry comic delivery, this time as both evil and good Hal. Kate Bracken is the true revelation in her first full episode, veering between pissed off, sarcastic and emotional. It’s a pity that Tom is underused and it’s a worry that he might not get a meaty story line (pun intended). There are only so many werewolf transformations you can show so the peril and danger maybe needs to come from another source. There is a noticeable mid episode lull which is forgivable as it’s forming the arcs of the series.

“CAN I PLEASE GET BACK TO SUMMONING THE ANTICHRIST PLEASE?”

The flashbacks to 1918 may not have entirely worked due posh wizardry and forced sexual chemistry but the pay off made it worthwhile as they summoned the Devil through the body of a “local madman”. It tied the two threads together and revealed the ‘big bad’ of this series early.. At first it was a surprise that Hatch was revealed as the Devil weeks ago but it makes total sense to say so in the opener rather than have five episodes of an exaggerated build up. It’s almost as if Toby Whithouse is a pro at this kind of thing..

OLD ONES SMOULD ONES

In a move that puts to rest once and for all (or does it/yes it does/maybe/of course it does) the standing of the Old Ones, Hettie tells the whereabouts of Lord Harry in exchange for a retirement playschool in Bolivia, presumably with access to all the My Little Ponies and sugary sweets Bolivian currency (whatever that is) can buy. It was a nice and very needed touch that bridged the gap and moved the story along.

BY HOOK OR BY ROOK

It is perhaps initially disappointing that after a year long wait to find more about the Men In Grey that we discover that they are a government department – albeit not for long. The scene where Dominic, as we now know him, meets Hal draws a brilliant similarity to the café scene with Mr Snow, both in style and set up. Hal is again being asked to take charge of the vampires but with a seemingly different outcome in mind. Speaking of similarities, Rook can be viewed in the same light as Kemp from series 2. Both are men of God, brandishing the cross with a commitment to ‘the greater good’ but both men it seems will go to any lengths to banish evil and judging by the pen incident, Rook will go further. The closing down of his organisation will only set him on a mission and to hell with the consequences. Literally? He might have competition though in the form of Alex. Last time out it was unclear if he could see the spirit of our new Casper in the cellar and the roles were masterfully reversed as Alex stared him down and whispered in his ear “ You Stole my death, one day I’m gonna watch you die”. Rook is going to be a brilliant force to be reckoned with this series.

THE DEVIL WEARS FOOD STAINS

Now, most people when faced with bad customer service will moan under their breath or run way without paying. Not Captain Hatch that’s for sure. Considering there wasn’t much airtime for him it really didn’t take long for Phil Davis to turn on the nasty. The final few scenes were an intense treat, culminating in the, let’s face it, assisted suicide of a hotel employee.

IF WE WERE BEING PICKY:

– Yes Patsy,  Hal is a rather good looking chap but have some dignity!

– For that matter, why on earth did Patsy give Tom a job too?

– Alex and Tom breaking into the archives is all very well but where were the alarms or security at such a top secret place?

– Crumbs’ introductory scenes fell into the same trap as a lot of series 4 guest characters. Too overacted and broad and done with the subtlety of a children’s TV show. Once he turned dark side he showed a good amount of menace that hopefully we will see much more of.

SOME QUESTIONS;

– If Mitchell had accepted the Old One’s initial offer to go to South America would he technically be babysitting Hettie now?

– Can Toby Whithouse be in it every week please?

– Where has Alan, Rooks’ assistant from last series disappeared to? Have the home Secretaries cuts taken effect already?

-How come the Men In Grey weren’t aware of Hal? Especially considering they covered up Tom’s nightclub transformation. Not very deft gentleman. Not very deft.

– Was that Crumbs natural run or had he peed himself? It’d be less of a worry if it was the latter.

– What’s worse? Being bummed by Hal or being turned into a vampire by him? Answers on a postcard.

– Alex likes to say the word ‘fucking’ a lot doesn’t she? Not complaining though.

– Will Hal get his soul and reflection back? If he does, will that put a stop to him having dodgy facial hair?

-Let’s not forget, CENSA believed that werewolves were imbued by the Devil as well so will Tom lose his attack of the monthlies?

– What exactly did Captain Hatch whisper to Sophie? Did he threaten to bum her? No Wonder the poor girl topped herself.

VERDICT:

An impressive series opener which cues up the potential of THREE, yes THREE threats to the survival of our favourite Barry Island supernaturals.  8/10